"How I Spent My Twenties"
(sung to "American Pie" by Don McLean)
lyrics by Lance P. (aka cl_wazere)
A long, long time ago, When I could still remember How that movie used to make me smile. And I knew if I had a chance, That I could get on stage and dance, And maybe I'd be happy for a while. But my second cast just seemed real lazy, And their dueling egos drove me crazy. Got ripped-off building a coffin, And back-stabbed much to often. So when I got scolded by some twit I lost my urge to give a shit, So I just took my bows and quit Back when I wore high heels.

But... (chorus) My, my, R-O-C-K-Y, I said I'd stay away forever but how do the years fly. And though some of the memories can still make me cry, It gets better as the time goes by, It gets better as the time goes by.

Did you ever make up a line, And did hearing it used make you feel fine? Or get rice caught in your hair? And did you ever laugh at the scene Where Frank asks Janet, "Do you want to be seen Like this?", and throws her legs up in the air? And when the lips turn blue after "terrible thrills", The first time I saw it, it gave me chills. Time warping in the aisles In a sea of happy smiles. And when the evenings show had run it's course, I went home with just a little remorse, And had to explain why my voice was horse Back when I wore high heels.

'Cause I was creaming... (chorus)

And we had our stories and legends, too. And some of them were even true But some still seem a little thin. Like when someone saw a two-foot line Snorted by Sal Piro and richard O'Brien Or Dori Hartley singing just like Tim. Getting stopped for speeding with make-up on, Or when we met Ron Jeremy at the Con. And orgy made us late for the show, Or trading props for blow. There were police raids,Gay Pride Parades, Rule Seven Headaches, and marital aides, And having to ask all the girls their age Back when I wore high heels.

And people singing... (chorus)

*fourth verse missing*

From the lips that sing without a face To "lost in time and lost in space" We thought our show would never end. So we tried to put on a bigger show, But, little did anybody know, Instead we sould be backstabbed by a friend. When I saw that small-fry on our stage, I couldn't help but feel enraged. We thought they'd never last, But they're still a bawdy cast. So for a while we carried on, 'Till the fire marshal gave us the gong, And Murdock said, "Screw this. We're gone." Back when I wore high heels.

He was saying, (chorus)

My teenage son went one night, And didn't come home 'till morning light, So I had to ask him where he'd been. He said he'd seen the coolest thing; People dancing in fron of a screen And the craziest crowd that he had ever seen. "And is that all you did?" I asked, And he smiled and said, "I joined their cast!" And I didn't know how to treat him. should I hug him or just beat him? So I went to his show that Saturday night, And his cast recognized my face on sight From my picture in Creatures of the Night Back when I wore high heels.

so I started singing... (chorus)

We all were singing, My, my, R-O-C-K-Y,