by Bill Brennan

We all know that Rocky Horror is just a movie, and that when it was written it was treated as such. Therefor, RHPS breaks a lot of rule's of modern Earthly physics-the creation of live, anti-matter hand guns, the creation of life itself, etc, etc. But it's alway's good fun to let your imagination wander, and try to thinks of ways to explain some of the things from RH that would make the situations involved with the film linksed to real life. Yes, kid's, I DO have way too much time on my hands. But it's fun all the same. So, let's open our minds up and throw away conventionallity and see how we can fit Rocky Horror into the real world...

Ever hear of paralell evolution? Paralell evolution is when two different specias evolve almost the exact same anatomical trait as another species. The eye of the octopus would be a wonderful example. The eye of an octopus is almost exactly like a human eyeball: iris, retina, expanding and contracting pupil, etc. An octopus has a think membrane over the eye and a few other fluids we dont, but more or less they are identical, even when the rest of each subject are vastly different. A pig and a human share body make up so closely that we often use pig skin in grafts, organs for transplants in rareextreme cases (a man was given the heart valve of a pig, and it worked for quite some time), etc. Rats are good for testing drugs because they have an internal chemistry much like our own. Another great eaxample is the human female vagina and the vagina of a sheep: both are almost exactly alike. God, my friends, certainly has a sense of humor. It was he that put all those sheep there with those lonely sheep herders, thus perpetuating the "sheep fucker" jokes that have been around for hundreds of years. But I digress. Now, lets continue...

We know how we and the Transylvanians are alike: we are both bi-peds with most of our sense's clustered on our heads: two eyes, one nose, one mouth. We have basically the same gravity, breath the same air mixture, can consume the same food. Our mating/sexual cues are alike (Janet and Frank, Janet and Rocky, Frank and problem with mating there.) Both are motivated by the same ends and needs and desires. We are, in fact, more alike than unalike. But let us discuss what makes us different.

EYES: The Transylvanians come from the planet Transexual, the "Land of Night." We can assume that the planet is in perpetual darkness: day would look like dusk, and night would look as black as the inside of your stomach. The fact that the Transylvanians all wear sunglasses, even when indoors, supports the theory that they evolved on a near-lightless world: they couldnt stand Earths normal light. The white, pallid skin and darks eyes also suggest a no-light world.( Frank, Magenta, and Riffraff would have had time to get acclimated to earths light spectrum-we can assume they have been on Terra for quite some time as Rocky was already well on his way to completion when Brad and Janet arrived. That kind of work takes time.) The planet itself would havr to be near-Earth sized, as they all walk, run, dance, etc in Earths gravity with no problem. Height and weight variations, not to mention building structure, all suggest a planet with basiocally the same gravitational pull. I would imagine the planet itself to be a far distance from the primary star,as there is no sunlight there. Either that or the planet Transexual is a "one face", that is, one side is always facing the sun, the other in perpetual darkess. The heat temp on the night side (plus the winds that would be kicked up given a similer atmosphere) would possibly disallow the evolution of life on the day side. Either way, its dark dark dark. We assume the Transylvanians have light-sensative eyes, and probably have much better night vision.

RACE AGE: WE humans are the new lids on the block. We slurped ourself our of the primordial ooze only a few scant millions of years ago. Since then we have only JUST had a man-made artifact leave the solar system. The Transylvanians, on the other hand, are already exploting other GALAXIES. Thats a pretty big head start as far as scientific advances go. a VERY big start. Based on the fact that they have already expl0red and left the galaxy where they evolved, one can assume that the race itself got a much earlier head start on us poor old human beings. That dosent mean that the society that we call "Transylvanians" has been around for that long, mind you. They could have evolved advanced societies that have fallen into ruin over and over again. (Rome is one example, the native American tribes are another) , and only now are they going forth...but even still, leaving a whole galaxy for another is one big step...we are still learning to walk.

SOCIETY: Transylvanian society is much like ours: we both work in groups, or as individuals. We are gregarious-we like company. We eat in packs insted of dragging our food off alone as dogs or cats may do. Our children need protection from birth and we love them to the point of self sacrifice. We create, we strive to learn... But there are some basic differences. How about cannibilism?

CANNIBILISM: On the whole, people these days dont approve of cannibilism. Oh, to be sure, there are still some cultures, mostly primitive but a few modern, that approve of and defend cannibilism as a way of life(mostly religous in nature.). And there was a time when cannibilsm was wide spread and even accepted as polite in society. The tribes of Africa are one example, the ancient people of South America and Egypt are two others.

But most people in the Brad and Janet era of human culture go for cannibilism. The Donner Party is one trip that is always spoken of in distaste (pardon the pun). Jeff Dahmer will never be known for the cuisine he serves too. Brad and Janet and Doctor Scott are none too happy when they relise that the meat they are eating at the dinner scene in actually Eddie. Columbia, however, seems to have no problem with this. But she has also been exposed to the aliens, perhaps even assimilating parts of the culture, and may have been "used" to it. (Brainwashed? Hmmmm.)

But Frank, Magenta, and Riff have no problem gulping down human meat-and I would assume Transylvanian meat as well. Now, why? A "society" thing? Perhaps. Perhaps they evolved a NEED to eat meat-any meat. They have molars, thus appear omniverous, but perhaps they are true carnivore. Maybe they just dont eat plants. Maybe there was one a scarcity of meat animals on the home world, and the practice of eating each other (prisoners of war, criminals, whatever) began and just carried over to modern day Transylvanian society. Maybe, just maybe, they just like the taste.

Either way, Franka nd Riff and Magenta not only eat human meat with no concern, they also show no sign of suprise at the human reactions...eating people may be just like eating french fries to you and me.

LOVE: Even with all the killing and canabalism and fucking around and such, the characters in Rocky Horror also share a common bond of evolution: love. Not a lot of animals or other living creatures experience love. Chimps and other apes do, dogs and cats do, on there are a few other examples of how animals can bind to each other, or to other animals. (Dogs and people, cats and people, people and people, etc.)

Love is not a requirement of evolution. Take most living things on the Earth: most animals have sex, drop a litter, and raise the child until it can fend for itself. Then it is out and on your own without a second look back. Some animals are quick to eat their own young, for one reason or another. Only humans, primates, and a few other domesticated creatures seem to share what we call "love."

And the characters in RH, of course. Take Brad and Janet for example: they cheat on each other, and in Janets case, repeatedly. (Janet and Frank, Janet and Rocky, Brad only got it wet with Frank...seems to me like Janet owes him one.) But even with the deception and wounded feelings, they still crawled to each other in the end...true love, after all.

Frank loved Rocky. Rocky was his lover, his child, his creation, the sum result of "many years of hard work and toil." I also think of Frank as somewhat of a tragic character, and Rocky was also the end to his loneliness, redemtion of his evils by creating something innocent and pure, even if it did mean comitting murder to do it. Franks love of Rocky was true and total and unconditional, as was Rocky for Frank...a very human emotion, if you yourself have ever been in love, Im sure you will agree.

Columbia certainly loved Rocky. Just look at the smile on her face when he gets off his bike, the way she jumps into his arms, and the way she looks at him. There is a girl who is smitten by the love-bug or my name aint Uncle Bill. And Eddie, ebven though he jumped into the bed with Frank, seems to love her. Just look at the way he sings to her during "Hot Patootie"! And the tears Columbia sheds after he is killed is also a loud expression of love.

Columbia also has deep feelings for Frank. Her jelousy is evident-"first you spurn me for Eddie..." and in the stage production she even takes a laser bolt for Frank...not that he cares, it would seem. (" did this for me?" Frank asks. "Uh huh," says Columbia with her dying breath. "Stupid bitch," Frank comments...)

Riffraff and Frank share a bond that goes beyong Master and slave, or scientist and assistant. Riff sheds a few tears after gunning Frank down, Frank gives Riff a few knowing smiles that are far more intimate than purly professional (check out the way Frank looks at Riff after Dr. Scott slams into the triple contact electro magnet for one example. And Franks punishment of Riffraff is a bit excessive: Frank seems to beat Riff a lot harder than is really needed, a suggestion of a more intimate relationship, "sm" wise.

Columbia and Magenta seem to be pretty close...they share a room, hang around and touch each other in bed-wear...lovers and friends. Nice, old fashioned bisexual gals just having fun. Love, love LOVE!

Brad and Frank: Brad seems a bit taken with Frank. After sleeping with Frank Brad laters defends Frank to Riffraff, especially in the stage play.

Last we have Riffraff and Magenta.These two are closer than most couples I know: brother and sister, lover and lover, co-worker and co-worker, duel under cover operative secret-agents, and eventually partners in crime. The interplay between Riff and Magenta is evident: the knowing smiles, the physical touching, the non-verbal communication, and support of each other inmisheif (teasing Rocky) or intimidation (check out the looks they both gang up and use on Frank during dinner scene) and murder (Magenta and Riff got over killing Frank pretty quick there, didnt they?) Support and the rest are a form of love, on both human and Transylvanian sides.

There are other examples, of course, but as I said-love is not a fundamental to a successful species. Its a possibilty-almost a probability-that aliens, when and if we find them, wont have a concept of "love" as we know it. Its nice to see that the Transylvanians do. More to come!