Boys from the Dwarf meet the Rocky Horror.
<<< the events in The Rocky Horror Show. >>>
Scene Shot: A green planet hanging in the background of space as the Starbug
flys past, then change to the interior of Starbug's cockpit. Lister
sits in one chair strumming his guitar with no obvious tune in mind, the
Cat sits in the other in a black suit with silver trim and Holly's
monitor is blank.
Lister sings something unintelligable to himself, strangely in time to whatever
RIMMER walks in: Do you have to keep playing that nonsense Lister?
LISTER keeps playing, ignoring Rimmer.
RIMMER: Look, even your singing doesn't make sense, that is singing I presume?
Lister sings slightly louder, but still unintelligably.
CAT: Hey, goalpost head has a point bud, I've listened to you play for two hours
now and I haven't made out a word yet - I thought you we're in pain or
RIMMER: See even the Cat agrees with me... (To the Cat) I told you not to call
me goalpost head.
LISTER: But you are a goalpost head Rimmer (he continues singing)
RIMMER: Goits, I'll have you both down on report for this.
CAT: Go ahead goalpost head but don't get in my way, I'm due for another snack
Aarrroowww - I'm going eat you little fishy.
Cat leaves cockpit.
RIMMER: Right, Holly take a report... Holly? (Notices the blank monitor) Smeg.
Rimmer turns toward the doorway.
RIMMER calls: Kryten, where the smeg has Holly gone?... Kryten?
Lister laughs quietly to himself while strumming his guitar.
Rimmer looks sternly at him and waves a finger at him.
RIMMER: You just... you... (gives up in frustration and walks out)
Scene shot: Starbug's main area, Kryten is fixing the wiring on one of the
monitors, Cat is busy eating a plate of fish, Rimmer walks in.
RIMMER: Kryten, why didn't you answer me before?
KRYTEN: I'm sorry sir, I am trying to fix this monitor - it appears to be
RIMMER: Well forget that now, I have to give Holly a very important report,
where is she?
Kryten ignores Rimmer as he fits the wiring back into the wall next to the
RIMMER: Isn't anybody listening to me?
CAT: Hey, keep it quiet goalpost head, I'm trying to eat.
RIMMER: That's it, your all going on report... Holly? Holly... where the smeg
are you Holly?
Holly's face appears on the screen as Lister walks in without his guitar.
RIMMER: Finally, there you are Holly, take a report...
HOLLY: Shut up goalpost head, I don't have time for that.
Rimmer screams silently in frustration and storms off into the cockpit.
LISTER: What is it Hol, is something going on?
HOLLY: I think somebody is on the ship, half my monitors have just gone dead.
KRYTEN: Well can't you look for them with the others?
HOLLY: Oh, I never thought of that, hang on... (Holly fades out and fades back)
HOLLY: Oh no, they've got into my computer core - they're trying to take over
LISTER: What? Who is Hol, who's on the ship?
HOLLY: Oh dear, they've overrided my controls... I knew I shouldn't have left
that cargo bay door open, can't look away for a second...
KRYTEN: Erm Holly, what are they doing?
HOLLY: Eh? Who?
KRYTEN: The ones on the ship that you mentioned a few seconds ago.
HOLLY: Oh them, I wondered who you meant... (A few seconds pass)
HOLLY: Erm, well they appear to be about to shut me... (The screen goes blank)
KRYTEN: Erm, Holly... Hello Holly...
LISTER: Oh smeg, that's smegging great that is - we've lost Holly!
Rimmer walks back in having watched this all on the other monitor.
RIMMER: Well, that's great - I'll never have this report done now.
LISTER: Oh shut up Rimmer.
Cat looks up from his meal.
CAT: Hey, what happened to the face buds?
LISTER: Hol's been shut down, we'll have to be ready for whoever's in control of
Red Dwarf when we get there.
CAT: Well I better have another fishy, I don't want to face anyone on an empty
Cat continues eating.
Rimmer brightens up as a thought hits him.
RIMMER: Aliens, at last - It must be aliens.
KRYTEN: Now we don't know that sir, Holly never said what was on board.
RIMMER: Aliens have taken over the ship to welcome us as representatives of
LISTER: Right Rimmer, whatever you say... (Walks into the cockpit, followed by
Scene Shot: Starbug cockpit, Kryten and Lister sitting down looking at the
controls as Red Dwarf is seen, through the screen in front of them, in
KRYTEN: We have a problem sir, it seems that Red Dwarf has speeded up.
LISTER: Well that's all right, Starbug can outrun Red Dwarf - it'll just take a
KRYTEN: Yes, but at that speed it'd take a bit longer than we have supplies for.
LISTER: How much longer?
KRYTEN: Well considering we have the month's supplies for that holiday we
cancelled due to Cat forgetting his favourite twenty suits and the new
speed of Red Dwarf, I'd estimate about two years, three months and
twenty eight days short.
LISTER: Great, smegging great... (He thinks briefly) Well, isn't there a planet
or something where we can get more supplies from.
KRYTEN: I'll see what's on the long range scanners sir.
RIMMER walks in: How long before we meet the aliens?
LISTER: Look, there not aliens Rimmer, and anyway we need to get more supplies
or something... it's going take sometime.
KRYTEN: I've found one sir, a planet just within range - it appears to be
LISTER: Great, set course then Kryten... maybe they know who's taken over the
ship as well.
RIMMER: More aliens!
Lister shakes his head and picks up his guitar again.
(Six days later)
Scene Shot: Starbug flys towards another planet, Starbug lands on a large
metallic platform near a strangely Earth-like mansion. Lister, Kryten,
Rimmer and the Cat walk down the steps and towards the building.
LISTER (to Kryten): What is this place?
KRYTEN: It appears to be a building of a similar design to early 20th century
mansions on Earth.
RIMMER: It was obviously made by the aliens to welcome us to their planet.
CAT: Yeah, right goalpost head, and I think anoracs are a fashion item!
LISTER: Would you stop going on about aliens Rimmer, that's all you've been
going on about for the past week.
Rimmer smiles to himself and ignores them.
Scene shot: They arrive at the door, which opens slowly although nobody can be
seen within, Lister shrugs his shoulders and walks in, followed by the
others. They walk through a hallway, decorated with strange paintings
and statues, into a sort of lounge where two sharply dressed humanoid
males are standing, despite there being a sofa and some chairs around
OFFICIAL1: Welcome visitors, please - make yourselves at home.
LISTER: Erm, well thanks guys. (He collapses into a chair)
Kryten looks at the room and thinks that it could do with a lot of cleaning.
CAT: Hey, nice suits you got there buds - not as cool as mine, but hey - if they
were, I'd own them.
Rimmer performs a full Rimmer salute, nearly hitting himself in the eye.
RIMMER: Greetings from Earth, we are honoured to meet you.
OFFICIAL2: Ah, so you are from Earth as we thought, then that would make us
aliens to you.
RIMMER (whispers): Aliens!
Rimmer collapses in a dead faint on the floor.
KRYTEN (rushs over to Rimmer): Are you OK sir... Mr. Rimmer... (to Lister) He
appears to be unconscious sir.
LISTER: Ha, poor Rimmer - finally met his aliens and just couldn't take it.
The Cat smiles to himself and starts removing specks of dust from his suit, one
OFFICIAL1: So, what brings you to our planet Transexual?
LISTER: Well... erm, what did you call this planet?
OFFICIAL1: This is the planet Transexual, in the galaxy of Transalvania - did
you not know this?
LISTER: No, but if you want to give your planet a weird name then that's up to
OFFICIAL2: It seems we are fortunate for your arrival then. (Looks at Official1)
We may have something you can do for us.
Both the officials smile in a suspicious manner and look back at Lister and the
LISTER (nervously): Erm, well if you gave us some supplies and maybe fixed up
our ship a bit, we might have a deal... what did you have in mind.
OFFICIAL2: Oh, we just want you to deliver a message to someone.
LISTER: And, er.. would this person be somewhere dangerous?
OFFICIAL2: Well... not really, in fact we'll send you and your friends straight
LISTER: Close is it then?
OFFICIAL1: No, but thats no problem... I'm sure you know the place, it's known
as the planet Earth.
LISTER (Brightens up): Earth... you mean we're finally going to get back to
OFFICIAL2: I'm glad you agree, now I'm sure we can cover the details quickly...
Scene Shot: A darkened room, mainly metallic with several computer screens and
various levers & switches covering the walls. Lister, Kryten, Cat and
the freshly woken Rimmer stand in the center of the room while the two
officials stand by some of the controls on a nearby wall.
RIMMER: Where am I... (Memory floods in) Aliens... there were aliens!
Rimmer looks round the room rapidly whilst trying to fake a karate stance, he
sees the officials and stands up straight, with his hands behind his back,
LISTER: Calm down Rimmer, we're being sent back to Earth - these guys just want
us to deliver a message to a Riffraff guy and then we're home.
OFFICIAL1: Well I'm afraid that's not exactly true.
CAT: Hey what you saying bud?
OFFICIAL1: I'm sorry to say that you can't stay on Earth, you see it'd be in the
20th century now and we don't want the population knowing we exist so
we'll have to bring you back after you've delivered the message.
LISTER: Hey - no way, either you let us stay there or we won't go... right guys?
RIMMER, CAT, KRYTEN: Right.
OFFICIAL2: Ah, but we have something you never thought off... we have lazer
guns, you do not.
Both the officials take out trident shaped lazer guns and point them at them.
LISTER: Oh, yeah - I guess we didn't think of that.
CAT: They've got us there bud, that's a pretty persuasive argument they're
OFFICIAL2: Yes, these are lazer capable of producing a beam of pure anti-matter.
KRYTEN: Excuse me, but in that case they're not lazers.
They all look at Kryten with puzzled expressions.
KRYTEN: A lazer beam is that of highly focus light rays and have nothing in
common with anti-matter, so technically they are not lazers.
The officials look at each other and whisper frantically for a few seconds
before turning back.
OFFICIAL1: You may be right, but they'll still kill you if you don't do what we
Kryten stops looking smug.
LISTER: Ah, right.
The officials work a couple of the levers and Lister, Rimmer, Kryten & the Cat
OFFICIAL1 (to Official2): Do think they'll be able to resist Frank'n'furter?
OFFICIAL2: I doubt it.
Scene Shot: A darkened garden, there isn't a storm brewing, but you would feel
there should be. Beyond a tree can be seen a large mansion, very similar
to the one on the planet Transexual, suddenly Lister falls out of the
tree onto the path.
LISTER: Owph... Smeg where did that tree come from... Stupid goits couldn't even
put us on the ground... Kryten, Cat, Rimmer, where are you guys.
KRYTEN (Somewhere in the tree): I'll be right down as soon as I can remove this
branch from my spinal cerrrrheezzz, my spineeeaaa... Will that be
all sir, well have a nice... ... Ah, I think I have it now.
A large amount of rustling results in Kryten landing in a bush nearby. The Cat
jumps nimbly out of the tree to land beside Lister.
CAT (almost wailing): Hey, my suit, my suit - Did you see what that tree did to
my suit... thank god it didn't crease it or I would have just died.
Lister ignores Cat and rushs over to the bush which Kryten is climbing out of.
LISTER: Are you all right Kryten, that was a bad fall you took there?
KRYTEN: I appear to be fiieeee, to be fiieeee... (He removes a small twig from
his neck) To be fine sir.
LISTER: Well if you say so Kryten...
RIMMER: When you've quite finished stuttering over each other can somebody get
Lister and Kryten turn to see Rimmer apparently floating two foot off the ground
at a 45 degree angle to normal, he has his arms crossed and is tapping his foot
impatiently, quite impressive considering his foot doesn't seem to be touching
LISTER: How do you manage that Rimmer?
RIMMER: Oh, didn't you know - I often practice standing at stupid angles above
the ground... (slightly louder) My lightbee is stuck in a branch you
goit, now get me down.
LISTER: Oh, OK Rimmer.
Lister walks over and sticks his hand into Rimmers stomach, Rimmer abruptly
vanishes and Lister pulls his lightbee out of the low branch that can now be
LISTER: Where's he gone? Kryten, you found this thing - what's happened to it?
KRYTEN: Well I believe you just hit Mr. Rimmer's off switch.
LISTER: Really? You mean he has an off switch, and I didn't know?
CAT (wailing from nearby): Argh, there's dirt on the trousers, I'll have to burn
the whole suit now.
KRYTEN: It's to stop the lightbee's power supply running low away from the ship,
I think I'd better turn him back on.
LISTER: Oh well, suit yourself. (He drop kicks Rimmer's lightbee to Kryten, who
just manages to catch it)
KRYTEN: Now sir, this is a delicate piece of equipment - we wouldn't want to
lose Rimmer would we?... I'm sorry, I think that tree must have damaged
my reasoning circuits sir.
Kryten fiddles with the lightbee as he and Lister walk over to find the Cat
licking the shin of his trousers clean. Rimmer reappears and makes a scene of
dusting himself down.
RIMMER: Well thank you for hurrying you guys, it's not nice being switched off.
KRYTEN (looking towards the mansion): It appears that there is the mansion we
are suppose to visit.
LISTER: Right then, let's deliver that message then.
CAT: Yeah, and get away from these trees, they've ruined my suit.
KRYTEN (Looks at the tree again): Hmm, Slutuitous Gobbulie, quite a rare species
RIMMER: Look, would somebody mind telling me what the smeg we're supposed to be
LISTER (starting to walk toward the house): Well it's quite simple Rimmer, we're
here to deliver a consignment of candy to Riffraff who like, helps run
this mansion over here.
KRYTEN: Now sir, you know that isn't true.
LISTER: Yeah, course it's true - we have to avoid this sausage guy 'cause he
doesn't like Riffraff getting too much candy.
Rimmer being slightly dazed after being turned off totally fails to catch the
sarcasm in Lister's voice as they walk up to the door. Lister knocks on the door
and waits as it slowly swings open to reveal a short balding man, who appears to
be a hunchback, peering out of the gloom inside.
RIFFRAFF: Yes, and what brings you to my master's house on a night like this?
LISTER: Erm, your master - would that be this Riffraff guy then?
RIFFRAFF: No, you are most mistaken... I am Riffraff, my master's humble
LISTER: Err, right - well, I believe we have something for you from your
superiors back on Transexual.
RIFFRAFF (quietly): Shhh, the master may be nearby. (slightly louder than
normal) Well I think you better all (he looks at each of them in turn
slowly)... come inside.
KRYTEN: Well thank you Mr. Riffraff, sir.
RIFFRAFF: Please, it is just (pauses again) Riffraff.
They enter a dimly lit hallway that is full of antique furniture and has a
staircase leading up into the gloom above. A figure steps out of the shadows
behind the stairs, it a transvestite of the highest order - dressed complete
with stockings, makeup but no bra. He looks sharply at Riffraff.
FRANK'N'FURTER: Well, what are these people doing in my house, I said my work
was not to be disturbed.
RIFFRAFF: I'm sorry master but they have some deliveries to make and I don't
think they would dare disturb your (pauses as he turns to look at
RIMMER (saluting): Yes we are here to deliver a consignment of candy to
LISTER (out of the corner of his mouth): Shut up Rimmer.
RIFFRAFF (Turns to look strangely at Rimmer): Yes... quite...
FRANK'N'FURTER (waving his hand vaguely in the air): Well you enjoy your candy
Riffraff, I'll be in the lab working on my (gives a slight, cough-like
Frank steps into a lift that is virtually hidden in the gloom and disappears
though the ceiling, a shadow near the top of the banister of the stairs suddenly
turns out to be the prevocatively dressed Magenta who has been lieing there, a
leg either side of the banister. She turns to look at the assemble below.
MAGENTA: Candy, ha. Riffraff's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky (With this she
slides down the banister in a most unladylike fashion)
CAT (Whispers to Rimmer next to him): If you ask me, that banister's lucky!
Rimmer nods in agreement.
RIFFRAFF: Ah, Magenta... how nice of you to join us, these (looks Kryten up and
down pausing)... people have a message for us. Please, show them to a
Scene Shot: Rimmer, Lister and Kryten stand in what might have been a large room
before it was filled with a wide collection of antique statues and other
items just one step away from being junk. Riffraff enters with Magenta
who closes the door and slowly walks around the room as the rest of them
RIFFRAFF: Sorry to keep you waiting, your Cat wanted to be shown where to clean
his suit, anyway we are quite safe here, this room contains none of my
masters monitors, so please... tell the message you've brought me.
RIMMER (looks confused): I thought we were delivering candy?
LISTER: Oh Rimmer, you're such a smeghead... Kryten tell Riffraff the message so
we can get out of here.
KRYTEN (To lister): Yes sir.
Kryten turns to Riffraff who is idly wiping the dust off one of the many
statues and seems to be playing little attention to what is said.
KRYTEN: Your superiors say that they have new orders for your mission and that
it is vitally important that you contact them immediately.
MAGENTA: At last, we are to have our orders... we can be free of our master.
RIFFRAFF (looking up from the statue): If only it was that easy dear Magenta.
LISTER: What do you mean, that easy?
RIFFRAFF: Well it would seem that my transmitter to my planet is no longer
functioning... it seems that your message is somewhat (pauses) useless.
RIMMER: Well I'm sure old Mr.Know-it-all Kryten could fix it, he seems to fix
Lister trys to nudge Rimmer into shutting up but realises that he can't nudge a
hologram. Riffraff's gaze turns slowly towards Kryten. Rimmer smiles smugly.
RIFFRAFF: Is this true... can you fix my (pauses as he tilts his head to one
KRYTEN (Trying desperately to lie): Well, I'm sh-sh-sh-sure I c-c-c-can. (To
himself) Oh... debugger routines, I still haven't got that lie mode
LISTER (Hurridly): Well, that's it, that's the message - don't want to keep you,
er, guys waiting... so we'll just be going now eh?
RIFFRAFF: I'm sorry, but that... won't be possible. You see, we must get the
full message before you leave.
MAGENTA (sliding her hands over Listers shoulders from behind): Yes, the
(pauses)... full... message.
RIFFRAFF: And if your Kryten here can help me fix my transmitter, I'm sure your
stay will be somewhat (pauses)... shorter.
MAGENTA (hisses in Listers ear simultaneously): Shorter.
LISTER (disentangling himself from Magenta): Oh smeg, I suppose we'll being
staying here a while then.
RIMMER: What happened about the candy.
LISTER: Oh for smeg's sake Rimmer, there's NO CANDY.
Scene Shot: The Cat, having cleaned his suit four times and realising it was
time for his pre-midnight snack, is roaming through part of the higher
levels of the mansion. He arrives, via a lift, in a large open room,
high above is a painted domed ceiling and a viewing gallery surrounds
the room. Towards the back of the room the Cat spies a large glass tank
with a strange collection of taps overhanging it in a circle, he slides
over to it looking around the entire room in the manner of someone who
shouldn't be there.
Riffraff, whilst showing Kryten the broken transmitter that is behind some of
the statues in the storeroom, glances at a monitor and sees the Cat standing
next to the glass tank.
RIFFRAFF: Well, it seems your cat has found himself in the master's lab. I do
hope he doesn't touch anything or the master will (pauses) not be
LISTER: We better stop him.
RIMMER: Oh-oh-ohh, the Cat's in trouble this time Listy.
KRYTEN: If you don't mind sirs, I think I'd better get started on the
transmitter, it may take some time.
RIFFRAFF (beaconing to Lister and Rimmer): Follow me.
The Cat looks all round the tank and at the circle of taps hanging above it.
CAT (to himself): Arroowww, what have we here... hey, it's a dyeing tank. I
better put this to good use, this suit's colour is starting to get
He starts turning the taps randomly, letting various coloured liquids flow into
the tank, oblivious to the fact that there is a body lieing inside, the figure
of Frank'n'furter struts into the room from the lift, in which the brightly
dressed woman known as Colombia waits.
CAT: Aww no, this isn't a fashionable colour at all. I better turn a few more of
FRANK'N'FURTER (sees the Cat and runs over): No, no what are you doing to my
experiment... it's ruined.
The glass tank is now rapidly filling with multicoloured liquids and Columbia
walks over to the Cat as the lift descends into the gloom below.
FRANK'N'FURTER (desperately turning of the taps): You evil little creature,
you've ruined my experiment, now I'll never have my man.
CAT: Hey bud, how was I to know your dye machine was hands off.
COLOMBIA (in her wonderfully high pitched voice): Well, you've certainly haven't
got into the master's good books now have you.
CAT (turning to Colombia): Hey, I don't need to be in any books - when you're as
good looking as me, everyone knows who you are already, awwroww.
The lift arrives back and Riffraff emerges with Lister and Rimmer - they all
walk over to where the Cat and Colombia are, noticing Frank'n'furter trying to
salvage his experiment.
COLOMBIA (seeing Cat's teeth): Woaww, you're a cat.
CAT (acting slightly cooler than before): Yeah I'm cool, but I wasn't going to
boast about that which is so blatantly true.
FRANK'N'FURTER (stamping his foot and still turning the taps): It'll never work
now, it's totally ruined.
COLOMBIA: No, I mean you're a cat, a feline sapian... so am I.
CAT (almost taken aback): What, no way - I'm the only Cat around here. (Quietly
to Lister who just arrived) That's a woman right?
Lister nods slightly to the Cat and turns to look at Colombia. Cat also turns to
Colombia and makes a cross between a purr and a growl as he walks round her
looking her up and down. Riffraff is now helping Frank'n'furter to stop the taps
and starts talking to him quietly. Rimmer just stands around trying to listen in
on what Riffraff and Frank'n'furter are saying. Colombia tries to ignore Cat now
and turns to face Lister as he speaks.
LISTER: Are you really one of the Cat race? I thought it only evolved on Red
COLOMBIA: Yes, I was on the second arc that was heading to Fushal but I was
banished from the ship and sent through a time hole to here.
LISTER: But why were you banished, I certainly would have kept you on board.
COLOMBIA: They said my singing was too cool, so it broke the one law.
CAT: Hey, what's wrong with being cool?
COLOMBIA: The one law, "Thou shalt not be cool" as declared by Clister the
LISTER: I never said that!
LISTER: Oh nothing, it's a long story.
Frank'n'furter having finally shut down the taps, the tank now being about half
full of an almost glowing collection of coloured liquids, turns sharply from
Riffraff and points directly at the Cat.
FRANK'N'FURTER: I want that... that... thing locked up. Riffraff (he flicks his
head to one side and lets
his hand drop slightly) take him away and lock
him up for tonight's banquet.
Colombia puts her hand to her mouth and runs to the side of the room to be away
from the others.
CAT: Hey, you can't lock me up with nothing to eat until tonight... I'll starve,
I've got have my five or six snacks a day so my mouth doesn't forget how
FRANK'N'FURTER (with a slight laugh in his voice): Who says you'll be eating.
LISTER (Catching onto Frank'n'furter's meaning): Hey, no way man - nobody's
eating my friends, not while I have something to say about it.
RIMMER (who is smiling to himself): Don't be so sentimental Lister, I'm sure the
Cat will go down fine with some Ciante wine.
LISTER: Oh thanks Rimmer, that's really helpful that is - Miss Sausage of the
year here wants to eat Cat and you start giving recipe tips.
RIMMER: Oh I'm sure the worse that could happen is someone would get a furball
stuck in their throat.
CAT: Wow, thanks a lot smeg-for-brains, I like my fur just where it is.
RIFFRAFF (turning to Frank'n'furter): Don't you think master, that he would be
of better use to you in your floor show?
FRANK'N'FURTER (considering): Hmm... Yes, I suppose he does have a certain
(pauses as he looks the Cat up and down) animal attraction.
They are interrupted by a slight moan coming from the glass tank, they all turn
to see someone climbing out of it (remarkably dry, despite the liquids) though
he seems to have a large head wound that looks fairly fresh as he stumbles to
pull himself out of the tank.
COLOMBIA screams: Eddie!
She rushs over to the tank and starts helping him to get out, Lister also goes
over to help whilst the Cat, Frank'n'furter, Riffraff and Rimmer just stand
there. Riffraff seems as uninterested as always but Frank'n'furter has a look of
surprise on his face and turns to speak to the Cat.
FRANK'N'FURTER: It works? My experiment works! (Pointing at the Cat again) You,
which order did you put the taps on... I have to know.
CAT: Hey, does this mean I'm not the main course anymore bud?
FRANK'N'FURTER (waving his hand in dismissal): Yes, yes, whatever... just show
me which taps you turned!
Lister and Colombia have just managed to get Eddie out of the tank, he is now
sitting next to it coughing out some of the liquid as Cat leaps over to the
tank, closely followed by Frank'n'furter, Riffraff and a rather uninterested
CAT (Looking at the taps): Well first I turned the red one, then the blue
(pauses)... or was it the yellow... no the first was the yellow...
Cat continues trying to work out what he did, while Frank'n'furter and Riffraff
listen to him. Eddie is finally able to speak and the others are standing around
him. Frank'n'furter, Riffraff and the Cat are too busy, and ignore the others.
COLOMBIA (hugging Eddie): Oh Eddie, you're alive again.
EDDIE (rubbing his head wound): Yeah babe, it takes more than an ice pick and a
lobotomy to get me down.
LISTER (thinking about this): You mean you were killed?
EDDIE (looking at Lister): Well yeah, that evil guy, Frankie over there, he did
RIMMER (brain ticking over): And that overgrown fish tank brought you back.
EDDIE (glancing back at the tank): I suppose.
COLOMBIA (still hugging him): Well you're back now, I don't care if the master
RIMMER (to himself): If it brought him back, then maybe it'll work for me!
LISTER: Hey guy, I knew the underwear freak was dangerous, but murder that's
EDDIE: That freak deserves to be locked up, he doesn't seem human to me.
LISTER: He isn't.
COLOMBIA & EDDIE: What?
LISTER: He's from some weird planet way out in space, Transatlantic or
something, it was them that sent us here... I think they have it in for
Rimmer slowly wanders towards Frank'n'furter, Riffraff and the Cat whilst
talking quietly to himself about being alive again. Lister explains to Eddie and
Colombia the situation that brought him here.
RIMMER (to himself): To touch, to eat, to feel again...
CAT (giving up): Aww, how am I suppose to concentrate on an empty stomach, I
haven't eaten in at least an hour.
Frank'n'furter is getting slightly annoyed and seems about to storm off in a
huff when Riffraff speaks.
RIFFRAFF: Don't worry master, I'm sure the cameras will have it recorded
FRANK'N'FURTER (relaxing): Yes, I forgot about that... I must study them
tonight. I have much work to do. (Turning) Riffraff.
RIFFRAFF: Yes master?
FRANK'N'FURTER: See to it that invitations are delivered, tomorrow I shall
hold an affair to unveil my (laughs slightly under his breath) man.
RIMMER (to Frank'n'furter): Excuse me, but I couldn't help but notice your
obvious genius in this matter... I was wondering if I could discuss this
discovery with you, as one genius to another.
Rimmer smiles hopefully as Frank'n'furter turns to him slowly, the Cat smirks at
Rimmer and grips his own stomach lightly.
FRANK'N'FURTER (look Rimmer up and down): I suppose you could be of some help,
yes (he starts to walk towards the lift) come with me. (He laughs under
his breath again).
Frank'n'furter and Rimmer leave in the lift, Lister, Eddie and Colombia are
still talking and Riffraff turns to face the Cat who is hugging his stomach with
both arms now.
CAT (sounding in pain): Hey bud, I really need some food... my stomach is
killing me man.
RIFFRAFF: I'm sure the kitchen can drag something in for you.
CAT: Yeah, whatever... just get me there quick man or I'll end up as the main
attraction at a worm party.
RIFFRAFF: Quite... Then follow me. (Loudly to the others) I suggest you retire
to your rooms, it could be a (pauses) long night.
LISTER (to Eddie): Well man, I think I'll help you to get this fishnet dude, you
said he was working on some sort of plan.
COLOMBIA: He's always working on some sort of plan.
EDDIE: Yeah I overheard him talking before, that's why he hit me with the ice
pick, he probably needed someone for this experiment too.
LISTER: Well, we'll find out tomorrow, his days are numbered.
Scene Shot: Morning time, they are all seated round a long table that is covered
in silver candlesticks and the like. The Cat is now wearing his suit
inside out so that it is silvery grey with black trim. Frank'n'furter is
as outrageously attired as before and Riffraff is in his butler suit
again. Magenta and Colombia's outfits are still on the provocative side
although Colombia's has rather too many sequins too be good for the
eyes. Lister seems to have slept in his clothes all night though this
hasn't made his clothes any worse. Rimmer and Kryten are not present.
Magenta dishes out some sort of fried meat onto their plates with very little
enthusiasm and sits down near the end of the table where Frank'n'furter is.
CAT (looking at his food): What is this.
MAGENTA: It comes from an exotic recipe.
CAT: I can't eat that, it looks like a road accident.
RIFFRAFF: We're sorry, but the local (pauses) substitutes are not up to
LISTER (finishing a mouthful): Just eat it Cat, it's delicious. (Has another
mouthful) I haven't tasted food like this since I gate crashed a Hoppers
cafe on Mimas.
EDDIE (also eating cheerfully): Yeah, this is proper biker's food, you just
can't get this sort of stuff these days.
COLOMBIA (Eating slowly): Well I suppose it's better than Meatloaf.
LISTER (finishing another mouthful): Where's that smeghead Rimmer got to
CAT: Yeah, goalpost head is usually hanging about someplace.
FRANK'N'FURTER (eating delicately): He's busy helping me with my (laughs under
his breath)... plans.
Lister and Eddie look at each other briefly at this and they finish their meal
in silence before leaving with Colombia. The Cat sneaks off to the kitchens in
search of something edible. Frank'n'furter departs after dabbing his mouth with
a frilled napkin, leaving Riffraff and Magenta to deal with the table.
Scene Shot: Lister and Eddie enter the storeroom, it is still full of statues
and old furniture, but Lister notices they seem virtually free of dust
now. Lister walks round the statues to where Kryten is sitting amongst a
pile of wires and computer circuits.
LISTER: How's it going Kryten?
KRYTEN (looking up): Oh sir, I didn't see you come in.
LISTER (running a finger across a dust free statue): Been doing a bit of spring
KRYTEN: Well... I... erm... (quietly) yes.
LISTER: What was that Kryten?
KRYTEN (normally): Yes, I'm sorry sir, I couldn't stand seeing all this dust
about. It was against my basic nature not to clean the place up. I know
I should have been fixing the transmitter, but I just couldn't stop
myself... I... I... I...
LISTER: It's OK Kryten, don't wear out your guilt chip.
KRYTEN: Thank you sir.
LISTER: Anyway, how's the transmitter going?
KRYTEN: Well I've removed every wire and circuit from the whole device, examined
every connection, tested all the units and have finally worked out what
LISTER: So, what was wrong?
KRYTEN: It wasn't plugged in.
KRYTEN: I know, it's so simple... I just didn't think to check it sir,
everything else is fine.
LISTER: So it works? We can get Riffraff's orders and get out of here?
KRYTEN: Well not quite yet sir... I still have to put it back together.
LISTER: And how long will that take?
KRYTEN: About seven hours.
LISTER: Oh great, we're stuck in this stupid house for another seven hours!
EDDIE (walking round the statues): We still haven't found that Rimmer guy.
LISTER (turning): Yeah... hey Kryten, do you think you can find Rimmer on the
KRYTEN: I can certainly try sir.
Kryten gets up an walks to the monitor screen which is in a corner of the
storeroom, Lister and Eddie close behind. He starts fiddling with the dials
below the screen until the view on the monitor flicks to show Frank'n'furter
talking to someone just out of shot.
LISTER: Hey, hold it there Kryten... We want to find out what this guys up to.
EDDIE: Yeah, good idea.
KRYTEN: Ok sir, I'll leave you to it... I think I've just spotted a statue I
LISTER (looks at Kryten): Kryten?
KRYTEN: Erm, I'll have to clean it after I've finished putting the transmitter
Scene Shot: On the monitor they can see a well furnished room, Frank'n'furter is
standing next to a large table, on which is a map in typical world war
planning style. Frank'n'furter is talking to someone just out of shot on
the far side of the table. Lister recognises the unseen person's voice
as Rimmers but it seems different, more like Frank'n'furters voice.
FRANK'N'FURTER: So you see, once we've converted half of Europe, nothing can
RIMMER: Yes, it's all so perfect, your plan is even better than Hitler's you
should be the next facist dictator of the year.
FRANK'N'FURTER: Ah yes, quite... but soon there will be thousands more like you
and me, after tonight we'll be able to carry out my plan.
RIMMER (starting to walk into view): That'll be just (pauses) marvelous.
Just then the Cat strides into the room, he's looking well fed and strides over
to Lister and Eddie who are just staring at the screen wide eyed. Rimmer can now
be seen... he is dressed just like Frank'n'furter, high heels, stockings, even
LISTER: Oh smeg.
EDDIE: Oh smeg indeed.
CAT: Hey, what's happened to goalpost head?
EDDIE: He's been converted by Frank.
LISTER: That's it we've got to stop him.
EDDIE: I must contact my uncle, Dr.Scott, he'll be able to defeat him, he's
faced Frank'n'furter before.
LISTER: Well, the sooner the better man.
CAT: Yeah, goalpost head was bad enough as it was!
Later, still in the storeroom, Eddie is just finishing writing a letter. He
hands it to Lister, the Cat is standing next to Lister who reads it. The letter
is written rather badly in red crayon.
CAT (trying to look at the letter): What's it say, what's it say?
LISTER: Erm... well... here. (He passes the letter to Cat)
LISTER (to Eddie): You sure your uncle will come?
EDDIE: Oh yes, he's been trying to get Frank'n'furter ever since Frank escaped
his concentration camp back in the War.
LISTER: Well if you're sure.
CAT: Hey this ain't bad, maybe you should add some more colours though, it looks
like you bled over it.
EDDIE (ignoring Cat): Now all I have to do is send it.
Scene Shot: Lister and Eddie walk quietly toward the front door, the rest of the
hallway is filled with gloom despite it still being the early afternoon.
LISTER: So you're sure you can deliver this to him?
EDDIE: Yeah, I'll just ride my bike to the bikers cafe a few miles up the road,
somebody there can deliver it to him directly.
LISTER: Right, and your bike is...
EDDIE: Just outside.
LISTER (reaching the door): Well that's sorted then.
$Lister grabs the door handle and opens the door slightly when a figure steps
out of the gloom of the hallway behind them, Lister and Eddie spin round when
RIMMER: You're not trying to leave so soon, the master will not be pleased.
Scene Shot: Lister and Eddie, standing by the slightly open front door, face
Rimmer in the Hallway, he is still wearing a Frank'n'furter style outfit
reminiscent of his Demon self from "Demons & Angles").
LISTER: Hi there Rimmer, erm Ace... what ever made you think we were leaving?
RIMMER: Don't play games with me Listy, I've been listening to you two plotting.
LISTER: Really, I'm sure you didn't, er, take us seriously like.
RIMMER: Well the master will have to hear of this.
LISTER: You don't have to tell him do you Ace? I'm mean we're still the boys
from the Dwarf right?
EDDIE (to Lister): It's no good, Frank got him fully converted to his will.
RIMMER: I think you both better...
LISTER (hopefully): Go away?
RIMMER: ...stay inside. (he glares at Lister) I'll escort you to the master
LISTER: Oh forget that idea, Eddie run for it.
Eddie turns and pushs open the door, Rimmer screams at this and runs to catch up
with him as Eddie goes out the door. Lister stand near the door and reaches out
as Rimmer dives after Eddie. Suddenly Rimmer vanishes.
EDDIE (seeing Rimmer vanish): What happened?
LISTER (throwing the lightbee from hand to hand): Let's just say he needed a bit
of down time.
EDDIE (getting on his bike): Keep an eye on Frank... I'll be back.
Eddie drives off down the path as Lister closes the door and walks back toward
LISTER (addressing Rimmer's lightbee): And you can stay switched off. (He puts
the lightbee in his pocket and smiles to himself)
Scene Shot: Frank'n'furter, Riffraff and Magenta stand about the dining table
discussing plans for the master's affair.
MAGENTA: What do you plan for the meal?
FRANK'N'FURTER: I'm sure someone will turn up, now I must see to the lab...
Rocky's body is ready and must be put in the tank before the guests
arrive. (Turning to Riffraff) You did send out those invitations yes?
RIFFRAFF: Yes master, your guests should be arriving later this evening.
FRANK'N'FURTER: Good, good. Now where is that darling Rimmer, he should have
been here by now.
RIFFRAFF: Maybe he's on the monitor master.
Frank'n'furter walks over to a nearby monitor and turns one of the dials until
he gets the Hallway, he is just in time to see Eddie running out of the door and
Rimmer being disactivated.
FRANK'N'FURTER (shocked): Ahh, what have they done to poor Rimmer! They must be
RIFFRAFF: But master, Eddie has already left the grounds.
FRANK'N'FURTER: Then at least that cad Lister is still here, I want him captured
RIFFRAFF: Of course master.
FRANK'N'FURTER: Magenta, it seems the main course for this evening has been
MAGENTA: Yes master.
Riffraff and Magenta leave Frank'n'furter to morn over the loss of Rimmer.
Scene Shot: Lister is sitting in the storeroom with Colombia, Kryten can be seen
working on the transmitter behind the statues and Cat is curled up
COLOMBIA: But why'd he have to go?
LISTER: He had to get Dr.Scott, we must stop Frank'n'furter from carrying out
COLOMBIA: You said he'd come back right?
LISTER: Yes, he said he'd be back... he must have lost part of his brain to want
to come back here though, I know I wouldn't.
Riffraff enters the storeroom and walks over to Lister.
RIFFRAFF: You must stay here Lister, the master saw what you did to Rimmer.
RIFFRAFF: Yes. (He looks at Colombia) You'd better go help Magenta take my
creation to the master's lab, I'll be along shortly.
Colombia stands up and leave the room as Riffraff walks over to Kryten.
RIFFRAFF: How goes the transmitter?
KRYTEN: I've wired it back together and it should work fine... only I appear to
have some components left over, I better find out where they should go.
RIFFRAFF: You think you could get it working soon?
KRYTEN: Yes, in a couple of hours.
Riffraff nods and leave the room followed by the Cat who's just woken up and is
going in search of food again.
LISTER: Hurry up then Kryten, I don't want to turn out like Rimmer.
KRYTEN: Where is Mr Rimmer anyway?
LISTER (patting his pocket): Oh, he's safe.
Scene Shot: Eddie's motorbike pulls up outside the main door, it is now rapidly
approaching sunset. He rides the bike straight up the steps to smash
open the doors which, to his disappointment have been left unlocked, and
opened as soon as he hit them. He pulls up into the lift and ascends,
revving his engine as he goes.
Scene Shot: The lab, Frank'n'furter is directing Riffraff, Magenta and Colombia
as they lower a mummified body into the glass tank. The lift slowly
FRANK'N'FURTER: Oh do be careful, I don't want you to bruise him.
RIFFRAFF: Of course master.
The lift door opens and Eddie rides out into the middle of the floor, skidding
to a halt in front of them.
COLOMBIA: Eddie! (She tries to run to him but Magenta restrains her)
EDDIE: Ok, where's Lister?
RIFFRAFF (to Frank'n'furter): It appears the pizza-boy has returned master.
FRANK'N'FURTER: So it would seem, disturbing my work again, huh!
EDDIE: Just give me Lister and I'll leave.
FRANK'N'FURTER (walking over to a large metallic door on one wall): Very well.
Frank'n'furter presses a button on a control panel next to the metallic door
which lowers to the floor like a drawbridge. Inside is shrouded in a white mist.
FRANK'N'FURTER (casually): He's in there.
Eddie rides straight into the white mist without even thinking.
COLOMBIA: No Eddie, it's a trap!
Frank'n'furter hits another button an the door to what is in fact a freezer
shuts behind Eddie.
FRANK'N'FURTER: Well, that takes care of him. (To Magenta) Tonight's meal will
need (pauses) defrosting somewhat.
Riffraff smirks nervously as he thinks of Lister and the others. Colombia is
wailing to herself, not having heard this last statement.
MAGENTA: Yes master.
Scene Shot: Lister sits looking at the monitor, Kryten is still trying to rewire
the transmitter but is currently watching the monitor with Lister.
They've just seen Eddie being locked in the freezer.
LISTER: Smeg, he's got Eddie.
KRYTEN: So it would seem.
LISTER: I've got to get him out of there Kryten.
KRYTEN: I'd agree, being locked in a freezer can really jam up your circuit
LISTER: Quite, and I think you better get back to work on the transmitter. I
think things are getting far too dangerous round here.
KRYTEN: You'd better find the Cat then.
LISTER (looking about the room): Oh smeg, where has he wandered off to now.
Lister is about to leave the storeroom when Riffraff arrives and stops him.
RIFFRAFF: I think it'd be best if you both stayed here, the master is checking
the monitors for you now that his guests are arriving for his (pauses)
LISTER: Listen bud, I've just seen Eddie locked in that freezer, I have to get
him out of there.
RIFFRAFF: Well I think you'll find that's difficult. You see the master has put
a time lock on it.
LISTER: For how long?
RIFFRAFF: It won't open for another two hours.
LISTER: That'd kill him, I've got to break that door somehow.
RIFFRAFF: Oh I doubt it'd kill him, I've turned the temperature up in there. He
should (pauses) survive.
LISTER: Ok, but I still have to find the Cat, he's out wandering somewhere.
RIFFRAFF: I will look for him, I'd better see the master's guests, they wouldn't
want to be kept (pauses) waiting.
Scene Shot: The Hallway is filling with guests dressed in various ridiculous
versions of dinner jackets, many of them have frilled shirts in garish
colours. They are passing through to a main room as Riffraff lets them
through the door. High above on the stairs stand the Cat.
CAT: Arroww, I'm feeling cool, what have I done today, let's see. I've snoozed a
bit, eaten, had an afternoon nap, eaten some more and explored the
Sausage dudes house. Hey, I probably deserve some more food for doing so
Cat looks over the banister to the people passing below who are totally
oblivious to him.
CAT (shocked): Argh, what are those monkey's wearing. Urgh, I think I'm going to
be sick, those shirts... yerck... I gotta get out of here, but first I
need a snooze.
The Cat wanders back to the storeroom and enters there looking for a place to
LISTER: Cat, you came back.
CAT: Yeah, now keep it quiet... My eyes have just been tortured and they need
LISTER: Well Ok Cat. Ah least we're together. (To Kryten) All we need now is for
you to fix that transmitter and we can get out of here.
KRYTEN: I'm trying my best sir, it should be finished within the hour.
LISTER: Well hurry up Kryten, we gotta get out of this place.
CAT: Yeah, like before those clothes sap my will to live.
Scene Shot: Frank'n'furter is standing in his planning room looking at a monitor
screen and fiddling rapidly with the controls.
FRANK'N'FURTER (to himself): Where is that damn Lister, I can't have him running
about my house, he'll ruin my affair.
Frank'n'furter finally stops flicking through the images and starts pacing the
FRANK'N'FURTER (to himself again): He isn't on any of the monitors... either
he's left the house or... (He stops and smiles widely) He's in the
Scene Shot: Frank'n'furter strides down the corridor towards the storeroom, in
which Lister, Cat and Kryten are now trying to hide behind the statues
having seen Frank'n'furter on the monitor screen. Riffraff notices
Frank'n'furter heading towards them and intercedes.
RIFFRAFF: Master, all the guests are assembled.
FRANK'N'FURTER: Good. Oh, I believe I know where that Lister is hiding out.
RIFFRAFF: You do? (sounding cautious) Where would this be master?
FRANK'N'FURTER: In the storeroom, it is the only place which isn't covered by
RIFFRAFF: I'll check there immediately then master.
FRANK'N'FURTER: I think I'd better check there myself, I don't want him (pauses)
Suddenly an image on a nearby monitor catches Frank'n'furter's eye, he turns to
look at the monitor. It shows a car that has just broken down, a young couple
are just getting out, despite the rain, and start heading toward the house.
FRANK'N'FURTER: Well, well. It appears we shall have some more visitors arriving
for tonight's affair.
RIFFRAFF (seeing an opportunity): Would they be just right for your floor show
FRANK'N'FURTER (forgetting about Lister): Yes you're right, I should see to the
RIFFRAFF: Indeed master.
FRANK'N'FURTER: You'd better be ready to let them in, I don't want them to soak
RIFFRAFF: I will be waiting master.
Frank'n'furter heads off toward his lab, having forgotten about Lister being in
the storeroom. Riffraff heads toward the storeroom himself.
Scene shot: Kryten is tightening up the bolts on the back of the transmitter,
Lister is pacing back and forth impatiently and the Cat is asleep again.
Riffraff enters the room, closing the door behind him.
LISTER (stopping his pacing): Finally you've got here, thanks for distracting
Frank back there.
RIFFRAFF: It's OK, is the transmitter ready yet Kryten?
KRYTEN: Yes, I have it fitted together now sir.
RIFFRAFF (walking over to the transmitter): Finally, then let me request my
Riffraff throws a few switchs on the transmitter which totally fails to work.
Lister looks sternly at Kryten who, having just remembered, walks over to the
wall and plugs the transmitter in. Finally the transmitter starts up with a
RIFFRAFF (into a microphone): Riffraff calling Transexual, come in Transexual.
He waits for a few seconds then the voice Lister recognises as the official that
met them on the planet replys via the transmitter.
OFFICIAL1: Finally Riffraff, we have been awaiting your contact.
RIFFRAFF: Well I've had some (pauses) technical difficulties.
OFFICIAL1: Is everything under control there?
RIFFRAFF: Not as such, Frank'n'furter has taken over my life experiment and has
plans to take over this world himself.
OFFICIAL1: Very well, you should await further instructions.
RIFFRAFF: What shall I do with the messengers?
OFFICIAL1: Have them stand near the transmitter, we will beam them back
Lister, hearing this, wakes up the Cat and brings him over to the transmitter
where Kryten is already standing. Riffraff stands back from the transmitter
and indicates that Lister should talk into the microphone.
LISTER (to Riffraff): Hey, see ya Riffraff. I hope you get things sorted back
here on Earth, it's a pity we have to leave.
RIFFRAFF: Yes, I'm sure everything will be just (pauses) fine.
LISTER (whispers to Kryten): I've always wanted to do this. (To microphone)
Three to beam up. (He laughs to himself)
Then only Riffraff is left in the room, he walks up to the transmitter again.
RIFFRAFF: You have them?
OFFICIAL1: Yes, we shall contact you again in seven hours.
He turns and leave the storeroom, meeting Frank'n'furter just outside.
RIFFRAFF (slightly surprised): Ah master, I didn't see you there.
FRANK'N'FURTER: No, so it seems. Where is Lister and that Cat creature?
RIFFRAFF: They seem to have left master, I was just checking the storeroom like
you said and they have obviously left.
FRANK'N'FURTER: Oh well, I suppose I'll have to make do with that young couple
who are entering the gardens at the moment.
RIFFRAFF: I'll see to them immediately master.
FRANK'N'FURTER: You do that... maybe they've brought you some candy. (He laughs
under his breath as he walks away).
RIFFRAFF (quietly): Yes master.
Scene Shot: The darkened metallic room where they were first sent to Earth from,
the officials stand near the controls and one is holding a microphone.
Lister, Kryten and the Cat appear two foot above the center of the room
and fall to the floor. The official talks briefly into the microphone
before putting in down and walking over to them as they stand up.
OFFICIAL1: So you managed to deliver the message finally.
LISTER: Yeah, no thanks to you guys.
CAT: You creased my suit again, I'll get you this time.
Cat dives for the official but Kryten restrains him, and struggles to get free.
CAT: Let me at him, he's ruined the line of my suit.
KRYTEN: I'm afraid that wouldn't be wise.
OFFICIAL2: Besides, we still have the lazer guns. (He pats the gun on his belt to
emphasise this point).
Cat stop struggling and shrugs slightly so Kryten lets him go.
KRYTEN: But technically those are not lazer guns, you see...
LISTER (nudging Kryten): OK, not now Kryten.
KRYTEN: Sorry sir.
OFFICIAL1: Anyway, you did deliver the message as we asked so we will fix your
ship for you.
LISTER: And the supplies?
OFFICIAL1: Yes, we will also see that you get ample supplies.
OFFICIAL2: What happened to the hologram Rimmer?
LISTER (Taken the lightbee out of his pocket): He had to shut down for a bit.
OFFICIAL2: Then you may depart shortly.
Scene Shot: Starbug takes off from the planet and flys back into space. Inside
the main area Lister and the Cat stand near the middle of the room as
Kryten walks in from the cockpit. It all slightly changed, slightly more
modern in appearance and, for a change, tidy.
LISTER (to Kryten): So you've got it set up to restore Rimmer then?
KRYTEN: Yes, I have managed to restore his personality and memories from the
ship's black box, he should be just as he was before we landed on the
LISTER: Right then. (He picks up Rimmer's lightbee)
CAT: I don't see why you have to bring back goalpost head anyway?
LISTER: Not now Cat.
Lister pushes a switch on the lightbee and Rimmer reappears, exactly as he was
before Frank'n'furter converted him. He looks about briefly and tries to
KRYTEN: Welcome back, Mr Rimmer sir. How are you feeling?
RIMMER (turns to Kryten): How dare you turn me off you goit, I'll have to add
that to my report. Turning off a senior's hologram is a serious offence.
Now where's Holly?
CAT: We should have left him turned off, buds.
LISTER: Rimmer, Red Dwarf has been stolen. Holly's gone.
RIMMER (spins round to Lister): What? Stolen, by who?
LISTER: We don't know, Kryten has been tracking Red Dwarf's route and he says we
can catch up with them, so we we'll find out soon enough.
KRYTEN: That's not exactly true sir.
LISTER: What do you mean Kryten?
KRYTEN: Well, if my calculations are correct, it will take us slightly over two
hundred years to catch up.
LISTER, RIMMER and CAT: What?!
KRYTEN: May I suggest you and Cat use the stasis booths that were fitted and
I'll wake you when we get close sir.
Rimmer's face brightens up as a thought hits him.
LISTER: OK, I suppose that's best Kryten.
RIMMER: Aliens, it must be aliens.
Rimmer's image instantly disappears and Lister is left holding Rimmer's lightbee
LISTER: We're not starting that again!