OK people, this is the first part of the Dr Who / Rocky Horror crossover as
created by The Eighth Doctor. The Eighth Doctor can be emailed at


A word of explanation to the list'ers before I begin. My story deals with the
Eight Doctor. I know there were only seven in The Show, but I wanted to be
original. Strange, though, how much the Eighth Doctor looks like me! :)
Without further ado....

--------By The Eighth Doctor----------------------------

  Life was getting to be rather dull in the TARDIS. That is to say, the Daleks
hadn't been heard from, the Cybermen weren't on the march, and there hadn't
been a Zygon spotted in decades. Plainly put, the Doctor was bored.  As Didi
well knew, the Doctor bored was a dangerous proposition.  As it stood, the
Doctor had taken to grumping about, barely speaking to her, and then only if
SHE initiated the conversation. At that, she was lucky to get so much as a
grunt in response. Thins were rapidly coming to a crisis in the time ship -
*some*thing had to happen, and soon. It did.


Didi was alone in her room, reading, one morning when a buffeting rocked the
ship. At once, the eerie clang of the TARDIS cloister bell counded, and Didi
sprinted off for the control room.  When she raced into the control room, the
Doctor was frantically working controls.  A deafening roar of straining
temporal engines filled the room as Didi yelled, " Doctor, what's the matter?"
Didi could hear only part of the Doctor's reply, "Time vortex... must
materialize...."Didi grabbed the console and hang on for dear life.


Smoke and dust billowed everywhere. The ground still shook, slightly. A casual
passerby might have noticed what appeared to be the ruins of a large mansion.
What they were more likely to notice, however, were the three people sprawled
about near the commotion.  One was a young man.  Tall he was, and might have
been slightly owlish looking if it weren't for three things: One, he was clad
in rather snappy looking lingerie.  Two, he had enough makeup on his face to
hold Tammy Faye Bakker for a year.  Three, and enormous pink boa dangled
precariously from his shoulders.  There was a young woman, similarly dressed,
but the lingerie looked rather better on her than it did on the young man.
The third was an oler man, apparently crippled, in a wheelchair.  The
wheelchair was shot to hell. Worse, his rather fetching pantyhose sported a
run that, well, *ran* the entire length of his leg to his ankle.  "Oh, Brad!"
sobbed the young woman.  "Oh, Janet!" sniffed the young man, adjusting a pair
of cracked glasses.  "Oh, mein GOTT!" bellowed the older man.  "What's wrong,
Dr. Scott?" chorused Brad and Janet.  Doctor Scott cleared his throat,
replying "I hate to inject someding veird into a sitchvayshun vich is already
veird enough, but I feel compelled to point out dot Police Box!"  "What Police
Box?" inquired Janet, breathlessly.  "De vun vich is materializing vun hundred
yards to your left, Brad!"  Brad yelped, jumping a foot in the air.  The
TARDIS finished materializing, and the Doctor and Didi exited.  "Hullo, I'm
the Doctor," he said, "and this is my companion, Didi."  While Janet looked on
nervously, Brad extended a timid hand and gulped, "Hi! I'm Brad Majors! This
is my fiancee', Janet Weiss, and my teacher, Doctor Everett Scott."  Doctor
Scott continued "Whomever you are, I'm avraid you haf maderialized ot a radder
awkvard time."  "What's happened?" inquired Didi.  Janet's body racked with
sobs as she explained "Oh... oh... it's TERRIBLE! They.. they.. took the the
house to Transsexual and..." The Doctor's eyes widened.  "Is that in the
galaxy of Transylvania?" he whispered.  "Y-yes!' sobbed Janet.  Sniffling
himself, Brad continnued "They even shot Frank and Rocky!"  Soberly, Doctor
Scott concluded, "Vit a tree pronged laser! Doctor Frank Un Vurter, twisted as
he was, iss dead!"  A simultaneously strong and effeminate voice called from
the rubble, "The rumours of my death, darlings, were greatly exaggerated!

  Everyone turned toward the rubble at the sound of that voice. They all
stared in shock as a figure emerged, obscured by the smoke and dust ......


Tranvestites And Relative Dimensions In Space, Part Two:"Uneasy Lies The Head
That Wears The Crown"

RECAP: In our last episode, the Doctor and Didi were forced to materialize on
Earth after Riff and Magenta's `port of the house caught the TARDIS in a
space-time vortex.  As Brad, Janet and Dr. Scott were explaining the
situation, someone ELSE appeared from the rubble....     "FRANK!", chorused
Brad, Janet and Dr. Scott.  "In the proverbial flesh, darlings!" beamed Frank,
his arms open wide.  The Doctor and Didi stood in amazement at the spectacle.
"Er, I don't mean to be rude," said Didi, "but shouldn't we get a wheelchair
for Dr. Scott?  He's been lying on that ground an awfully long time, what with
his chair being trashed and all."  Doctor Scott coughed, and said, "Yes.  Dat
vud definitely be a thing.  Bezides, all dis rubble is giving me a run in mein
hose!"  Doctor Scott blinked, as if he couldn't believe he'd actually said
what he just did.  Frank put an arm around Brad and Janet, and sparkled.
"Well, now, we can't have THAT, now can we?"  Turning, Frank asked the Doctor,
"My good fellow, I MUST apologize.  Might you have a wheelchair in your ...
well, where IS your vehicle?"  Numbly, the Doctor pointed to the TARDIS.
Frank raised an eyebrow, and said, "You travel in a Police box?"  "It's a
TARDIS, actually", said the Doctor.  Frank smiled wickedly and purred,


  In a galaxy far, far away... oh, bugger all, it's the galaxy of
Transylvania, actually.... The planet of Transexual was rejoicing at the
coronation of Riff-Raff as King.  The Party Eternal was TimeWarping away in
celebration.  Riff, however, merely sat on his throne, brooding.  Magenta
sidled up to him, whispering, "Brother dear, why the long face?  We're home,
and you gained you crown most honorably."  Riff smiled grimly, and replied,
"Yes, beautiful sister, it was honorable.  I lopped off the old king's head
and took the crown for myself.  They'll think twice before sending me on a
mission like THAT again."  Magenta queried, "Then what troubles you?" Riff
made a face (no great feat, considering what he had to work with), and
scowled, "HE is alive.  Do now ask me how I know, dear sister.  I just ...
know."  Magenta looked worriedly at Riff, and said, "But how can you be sure?"
Riff's mouth curled up slightly in a smirking, evil, smile.  "We shall bide
our time, dear sister.  If HE is alive, he will undoubtedly return here,
somehow, to take his revenge.  When he does, we shall be waiting."  In a
flash, Riff turned to Magenta, smothering *CENSORED* ;)

(I'm sorry it's so relatively short, but I'll make up for it next time, I