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THE ROCKY HUH-HUH PICTURE SHOW by Elsa Dread -------------------------------------------- NOTE: Here we go with another "RHPS" crossover! This time around, I've employed those two cartoon hooligans from MTV. No, not Kurt Loder and Tabitha Soren! I'm referring (of course) to Beavis and Butt-Head, who fill in for Brad and Janet in this umpteenth retelling of the Denton Affair. Keep in mind that I've condensed the story and the songs. *** [Begin with standard opening for "Beavis and Butt-head" with the two seen in profile, chuckling inanely. Short blast of guitar on the soundtrack.] Title: MTV'S BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD [Cut to episode title against blue-sky background.] Title: MTV'S BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD in "THE ROCKY HUH-HUH PICTURE SHOW" [The episode begins -- as usual -- with a close-up of a television set. We see footage of Richard Nixon's resignation speech on the screen.] NARRATOR ON TV: Nixon's resignation speech brought an end to the presidency of a man known to millions as "Tricky Dick." [Beavis and Butt-head chuckle uncontrollably. As usual, they are sitting on a battered couch in a run-down living room, watching TV and eating nachos.] BUTT-HEAD: Huh-huh, huh-huh. That guy had a cool nickname. BEAVIS: Huh-huh, huh-huh. I've got a tricky dick. BUTT-HEAD: Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. You whip it out, and chicks disappear. Huh-huh, huh-huh. BEAVIS: (angry, raising his fist) Shut up, asswipe! Huh-huh. I'll kick you in the nads. BUTT-HEAD: Yeah, right, Beavis. Huh-huh, huh-huh. I'd like to see you try. [Beavis places his foot squarely in Butt-Head's crotch. Butt-Head's face turns red, and he doubles over in pain.] BUTT-HEAD: (in pain) Beavis, I'm gonna smack you around like a red-headed stepchild. [The boys start punching and poking at each other. Lots of "unngh"s and "aaargh"s. After a few seconds, they stop and resume talking normally.] BUTT-HEAD: Huh-huh, huh-huh. That was cool. [Suddenly, lightning strikes outside. There's a huge blast of thunder. The room shakes.] BUTT-HEAD: Beavis, did you cut the cheese? Huh-huh, huh-huh. BEAVIS: No way! Huh-huh, huh-huh. I think it came from outside. It was, like, a storm or something. BUTT-HEAD: (arching his eyebrow) Uh, a storm? Cool! You know what that means, Beavis. BEAVIS: (trying to think) Uh... BUTT-HEAD: Electrocutions, dumbass! Huh-huh, huh-huh! BEAVIS: (very excited, wide-eyed) Electrocutions?!? Where? Where? BUTT-HEAD: Outside, fartknocker! Let's get on our bikes and go look for downed powerlines! Huh-huh, huh-huh! BEAVIS: Remember when I picked up that power line that one time? Huh-huh, huh-huh. It was cool! [Beavis goes into spastic routine, mimicking the actions of a person being electrocuted. He's shaking and making "zzzztttt" sounds. Butt-Head slaps him.] BUTT-HEAD: Settle down, Beavis! Huh-huh, huh-huh. Hurry up, before those fartknockers from the power company fix all the power lines. BEAVIS: We're there, dude. *** [The scene is now a road in the middle of a wooded area. It's raining very hard. Lightning strikes every few seconds. Beavis and Butt-Head come peddling by on their bikes.] BUTT-HEAD: Seen any power lines yet, dude? Huh-huh, huh-huh. BEAVIS: Uh, I don't think so. Huh-huh, huh-huh. BUTT-HEAD: This sucks! Let's go to Stewart's house and watch Pay-Per-View. Huh-huh-huh. BEAVIS: Okay! [We see a brief close-up of a broken bottle in the road. Beavis rides over this, puncturing the tire on his bike. He falls over. Butt-Head then collides into Beavis' bike. He, too, falls over. After the accident, the bikes look like twisted, modern sculpture. The boys are a little mussed up, but they're okay.] BUTT-HEAD: Beavis, you dumbass! BEAVIS: I couldn't help it! Huh-huh, huh-huh. I think I was, like, hit by a sniper or something. BUTT-HEAD: You lying wuss! Why would a sniper want to kill you? Huh-huh. BEAVIS: Shut up! BUTT-HEAD: You're not good at anything. You can't even ride a bike. Huh-huh, huh-huh. BEAVIS: Shut up, Butt-head! It was TOO a sniper! You just didn't see him. Huh-huh, huh-huh. BUTT-HEAD: Whatever, Beavis. Huh-huh, huh-huh. BEAVIS: Anyway -- huh-huh, huh-huh -- we've gotta, like, go for help or something. BUTT-HEAD: Oh, yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Uh... [Suddenly, a light bulb appears over Butt-Head's head.] BUTT-HEAD: Remember that cool-looking house we passed back there? BEAVIS: Yeah. Huh-huh. That house looked like the house from "Psycho." [Beavis goes into spastic "Psycho" routine -- screeching the theme song and making a stabbing motion repeatedly.] BUTT-HEAD: Beavis, you butt-monkey. This is no time to practice choking your choking! Huh-huh, huh-huh... BEAVIS: Shut up, Butt-Head. I wasn't practicing choking my chicken. BUTT-HEAD: Oh, yeah. Huh-huh. I should've known. You've gotta be an expert at THAT by now. Huh-huh. See, Beavis? You ARE good at something after all. Huh-huh, huh-huh.... BEAVIS: You die! [B&B start wrestling. Suddenly, a lightning bolt strikes a nearby tree! Beavis and Butt-Head start screaming and run down the road...] *** [The boys are now on the front porch of a creepy looking castle.] BEAVIS: This sucks! Huh-huh, huh-huh. No one's home. BUTT-HEAD: Beavis, you've gotta ring the doorbell first, dumbass! BEAVIS: Oh, yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. [Beavis rings the doorbell.] BUTT-HEAD: Boy, Beavis, you're stupid. [No one's answered the door yet, so Beavis pushes the doorbell over and over again in a hyper manner. Riff-Raff, a strange hunchbacked butler, angrily opens the door.] RIFF-RAFF: Hello... BUTT-HEAD: (quietly) Hey, Beavis, check it out it's one of those hump-backs. (in a louder voice) Uh, we, like, need help? Huh-huh, huh-huh. We're lost. [Beavis whispers something in Butt-Head's ear.] BUTT-HEAD: Oh, yeah. We need money, too. We're, like, collecting for UNICEF or something. Huh-huh, huh-huh... RIFF-RAFF: (rolling his eyes) Right this way. [Riff gestures for B&B to enter. The boys both struggle to be the first to get through the door. They push and shove.] BEAVIS: Unh! Outta my way, buttmunch. BUTT-HEAD: No way, asswipe. I was here first. [Riff loses his patience, grabs both boys by the shirt collars and drags them into the entrance hall. He tosses them down on the floor and slams the door.] BEAVIS: (weak, in pain) I'm gonna kick your ass! Huh-huh, huh-huh. RIFF-RAFF: What was that?!? I didn't hear you! BEAVIS: Uh, nothing... BUTT-HEAD: You wuss. [B&B pick themselves up off the floor.] RIFF-RAFF: You've arrived on a rather special night. BUTT-HEAD: Hey! Beavis is special, too. BEAVIS: (embarrassed) Shut up, Butt-Head. RIFF-RAFF: The master is having one of his affairs. BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD: Huh-huh, huh-huh, huh-huh, huh-huh, huh-huh! BUTT-HEAD: You said, "master." Huh-huh, huh-huh. BEAVIS: Whose he having an affair with? Is he gonna get lucky? Huh-huh, huh-huh. [Suddenly, Magenta, a heavily made-up woman with wild hair, emerges from the shadows. She wears a maid's uniform and speaks with a strange accent.] MAGENTA: You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky! We're all lucky! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! BUTT-HEAD: Not Beavis. Huh-huh, huh-huh. He's never gotten lucky. BEAVIS: Neither have you, buttmunch! [Music begins...] RIFF-RAFF: It's astounding.... BEAVIS: Huh-huh. He said, "ass." RIFF-RAFF: Time is fleeting Madness takes it's toll But listen closely BEAVIS: Listening sucks! MAGENTA: Not for very much longer... BUTT-HEAD: Good! RIFF-RAFF: I've got to keep control I remember doing the Time Warp Drinking those moments when The blackness would hit me And the void would be calling... [Riff & Magenta shove Beavis and Butt-head into a large ballroom. The room is full of oddly-dressed Transylvanians having a party.] BUTT-HEAD: Woah! Huh-huh, huh, huh. Is this "Solid Gold"? TRANNIES: Let's do the Time Warp again Let's do the Time Warp again BUTT-HEAD: Hey, Beavis. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Check it out. It's a *ball* room. Get it? Huh-huh. BEAVIS: Uh, yeah... Huh-huh, huh-huh... CRIMINOLOGIST: It's just a jump to the left... [Beavis and Butt-head collide.] TRANNIES: And then a step to the right... BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD: (thinking very hard) Uhh...hmmmmm..... CRIMINOLOGIST: With your hands on your hips... [B&B both cup their hands over their groins.] TRANNIES: You pull your knees in tight... BEAVIS: Huh-huh. They said, "tight." [B&B bend their knees inward. They both lose balance and fall over.] TRANNIES: But it's the pelvic thrust.... [B&B, now sitting on the floor, laugh uncontrollably.] TRANNIES: That really drives you insa-a-a-a-a-ane Let's do the Time Warp again Let's do the Time Warp again [Everyone collapses to the ground. A few seconds of silence.] BUTT-HEAD: This sucks! Huh-huh, huh-huh. Let's get out of here. BEAVIS: Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. [They get up and start to walk out of the room. Suddenly, an elevator in the background descends. Dr. Frank-N-Furter, a man with a mop of black hair and lots of make-up gets out of the elevator. He struts across the room, wearing high-heeled shoes and a long black robe. B&B are temporarily speechless. Their mouths hang open and their eyes bulge out.] FRANK: How do you do, I... See you've met my... Faithful handyman [This brings B&B back to life.] BUTT-HEAD: Huh-huh. He's good with his hands. Huh-huh. FRANK: He's just a little brought down because... When you knocked... He thought you were the... Candyman BEAVIS: The Candyman? BUTT-HEAD: Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. That was that song by that dude with only one eye. BEAVIS: Oh, yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. (singing off-key) "Who can take a bunghole? / Sprinkle it with choads?" BUTT-HEAD: Huh-huh, huh-huh. You're pretty cool sometimes, Beavis. [Frank has arrived at a throne at the opposite side of the room. He tosses off his robe to reveal women's lingiere underneath.] BEAVIS: Woah! That chick has small boobs! Huh-huh, huh-huh... BUTT-HEAD: Beavis, that's not a chick! He's one of those... uh, transformers or something. FRANK: I'm just a Sweet Transvestite >From Transsexual, Transylvania [Music dies down. Frank walks over to B&B and starts sizing them up.] FRANK: Well, what do we have here? It's so nice to have fresh blood around here. BEAVIS: (excited, looking around) Blood?!? Where? Where? [Frank smacks Beavis.] FRANK: Settle down, sweetie. BUTT-HEAD: Huh-huh, huh-huh. You tell him, Master. Huh-huh, huh-huh. FRANK: The name's Frank-N-Furter. BUTT-HEAD: Well, don't take your frankfurter out here. FRANK: (seductively) Of course not, honey. That won't come til later. [B&B suddenly look very uncomfortable.] BUTT-HEAD: Uh... we'd like to hang around and do you and everything, but we've really got to get going. Huh-huh, huh-huh. BEAVIS: Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. It's, like, a school night or something. FRANK: (putting his hand on Beavis' shoulder) Don't leave so soon, precious. You'll spoil all the fun. [Beavis draws back violently.] BEAVIS: AAAHH! Don't touch me, asswipe. I'll kick you in the nads. [Beavis kicks Frank in the crotch. As Frank doubles over in pain, B&B take the opportunity to dash out of the room and get out of the house. It's still raining outside.] BUTT-HEAD: Well... huh-huh, huh-huh.... I think we're safe now. BEAVIS: Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Thanks to ME! [Suddenly, a lightning bolt strikes Beavis and Butt-head. They're all burned and blackened afterwards.] BUTT-HEAD: Huh-huh, huh-huh. That was cool! [And with a closing blast of guitar on the soundtrack, we fade out...] [THE END] ***** |
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