Michael K. Neylon for A! stuff
July 1996

Copyright info at end of document


Dare I need to say that this is a Rocky Horror Picture Show/
Animaniacs crossover? Good, I didn't think so.

Just in case, though, RHPS is *the* film that defines a cult film;
reportly, people have seen this film more than 10,000 times (!).
The film itself is, er, ok. Good music, and some cute scenes, but
very strange. The reason for the popularity is that it basically
became the first film to get a Mystery Science Theater 3000-like
treatment. Now, 25 years after it was released, there is so much
audience participation that you can no longer go see RHPS; you
go to *be* RHPS. It's weird, but it works :-)

[Wakko appears by Mike's side]

WAKKO: 'cuse me, but the cast told me that you're takin' to long
 with the intro!

Oh, so sorry! *ANY*way, the original RHPS is a bit on the rated
R side of things. This is rated G. I've removed most of the
potential problems with this so that anyone of any age should
be able to read it. Mind you that meant th-


Fine, fine! Ok, here's my latest A! fanfic... THE ROCKY WARNER


[Open on black screen; intro to song is heard. Slowly a pair of lips
(ala the Lips from Wakkyland) appear in the middle, slowly growing
to fill the whole screen by the time the lyrics start below.]

[sung to "Science Fiction, Double Feature", from RHPS]

I remember the hour, the Warners got free of the tower,
and they told us where stand.
Then the brother with flair put an anvil in air,
and it landed on our heads.
Then something went wrong with Brain and his pal,
They devised a near-successful plan.
Then at a deadly pace, it crashed in their face,
And this is how it all began...

Metal anvils, wooden mallets,
Wacky sacks, exploding wallets,
Sixteen tons weights, dynamite in pants,
Rubber chickens and man-eating plants.
Oh oh oh oooooh o-o-ohhh...
At the back lot, of Warner Brothers' Picture Shows

I knew Yakko and Wakko, were always plum loco,
And would chase Hello Nurse 'round the lot.
And in the battle of cutes, she would get all the hoots,
that other Warner Sister, Dot.
But they were caught by the guard, and were locked and then barred,
In that water tower of theirs,
But then they would get out, with the use of a spout,
And then would terrorize the hires...

With those...
Metal anvils, wooden mallets,
Wacky sacks, exploding wallets,
Sixteen tons weights, dynamite in pants,
Rubber chickens and man-eating plants.
Oh oh oh oooooh o-o-ohhh...
At the back lot, of Warner Brothers' Picture Shows

I wanna go,
Oh oh oh...
To the back lot, of Warner Brothers' Picture Shows,
By LA, ohhhh...
Oh oh oh...
To the back lot, of Warner Brothers' Picture Shows.
In the bus tour...
To the back lot, of Warner Brothers' Picture Shows.

[Fade from lips to an library/office.  From the decor, we can tell it
is inside a large oak tree.  Slappy Squirrel sits in a high backed
chair behind a desk that is covered with papers, a globe, and other
office equipment.  She holds a large volume in her lap, and as the camera
approaches, she opens it up as the camera zooms in on her...]

SLAPPY: [initially starts talking as if there was something in
    her throat] I would like...*HACK COUGH* [pounds her chest,
    her voice is back to normal] Oh, they we go!  That got rid of
    the phlegm.  *Anyway*, I would like to take you on a strange
    trip...[pauses, then, to off screen, angrily] What type of hoodickey
    is this speech?!  I ain't no two-bit actor that you can
    use just for a bit part!  [pause, holds her hand up to her
    ear as if getting instructions from off stage] Eh, speak up!
    My hearing ain't what it used to be!

[Suddenly, Charlton Woodchuck sticks his head in, with a bullhorn]

CHARLTON: [through the horn] I *said*, just read the script!
SLAPPY: [rubbing her ear] Ok, ok!  Geesh, you don't have to shout!
CHARLTON: [normally] Are we set then?  Shall we take it from the
SLAPPY: Fine, fine, let's just get this over with...

[Charlton returns off stage.  The camera snaps back to the opening
position and then resumes in on Slappy]

SLAPPY: Ok, I'm tired; we're going with the short version.
    [opens the volume to the camera, and changes pages when appropriate]
    You see, those Warners kids, well, they're like cuckoo in the
    head, so the [turn page] studio doctor decided to drive em up
    to another studio doctor so that *he* could have a look at them.
    Of course, why Doctor Scratchnsniff took the route he did, we'll
    never know.  [pause] Of course, that is assuming that I don't
    get paid.  [slams the book shut.  To off screen]  Ahh, there.  I'm
    off to my bridge game now.  Don't wait up for me! [moves to go
    off screen]
CHARLTON: [from off screen] Hey, wait a minute!  We still got more to
SLAPPY: [reaching into her purse at the same time] And I said I
    have a bridge game to get to! [pulls out a lit bomb] Here, have
    fun with this while I'm gone. [tosses the bomb off screen.
    Shortly, there is a loud BOOM! from off screen, and some
    black smoke begins to appear on screen.]  Ahhh, much better.
    Now *that's* comedy! [indicating the smoke.  She then leaves]

[Cut to a dark forest.

Dr. SnS is driving the Warners in the studio station wagon,
through a dark wooded path.  Dot and Wakko, with the window seats,
look out at the passing scenery.  Yakko leans forward and is
talking to Dr. SnS]

YAKKO: Soooo, where are we going?
SnS: Well, Mr. Plotz said that he wanted me to take you three
    Warners to another studio psychologist.
YAKKO: [indicating outside] On this dark and stormy night?
SnS: It is *not* dark and stormy!  It juzt happenz to be, ah,
    er, an overcast day, in, um, a really dense forest!
YAKKO: @@@h, yeah.  But, there are so many bad things that could
    happen to us...

[Dot and Wakko join in on cue]

DOT: Like being chased by guys on motorcycles!
WAKKO: Or running into a dead end!
YAKKO: Or having a tire blow out!
DOT: Or if it would start to rain really hard!
SnS: Relax, children!  Nothing of ze zort will happen with me on ze

[The Warners look at each other, knowing looks on their faces]

WARNERS: Surrrrrre!

[They drive in silence for a while]

SnS: Hey, how 'bout I turn on the radio?!  [does so]

[They continue to drive along.  On the radio, William
Shatner sings.  The Warners begin to look really sick...]


SnS: [also looking a bit ill, jokingly laughing] Ok, let's turn zat off...
    [reaches down and turns off the radio]

DOT: [leaning forward and pointing] Hey, what's that?!

[Cut to their POV, where a sole headlight approaches them.  Quickly,
it is easily seen that the headlight is on a motorcycle as it speeds by.]

DOT: Ohhh, look! A motorcycle!
SnS: [nervous laughing] Oh, just probably going to some convention in LA...
WAKKO: [leaning forward and pointing eagerly] LOOK OUT! A DEAD END!

[SnS slams on the breaks; just in front of the car is a Dead End sign,
lit by the car's headlights]

SnS: Now where did that come from?!
DOT: Ooooh, this is *spooky*.
YAKKO: [consoling his sister] Oh, don't worry.  Scratchy's here to protect
    us! [winks at SnS]
SnS: [more nervous] Hehe, that's right, Dot.  I won't let anything happen
    to you.
WAKKO: But, where did that motorcyclist come from then?
SnS: Zere must've been a turn off or zomezing zat we missed.  Hold on,
    kiddies, I've got to back up and turn around...

[SnS shifts the car into reverse and begins to back up.  Suddenly there
is a loud BANG!]

SnS: Oh drat!
YAKKO: [looking out a window] Hey, Scratchy, we just blew a tire!
SnS: [angrily, but nervous]  Drat!  [stopping the car and turning around
    to face the Warners] Ok, kiddies, you wait in the car while I change
    the tire.  Don't move now, ok?!
WARNERS: [grinning madly] Yes, Doctor Scratchnsniff! [halos appear above
    their heads]
SnS: [shaking his head] Geesh!

[SnS places his hand on the door handle, and suddenly there is a big flash
of lightning, and a crash of thunder.  As if on cue, a flood of rain

SnS: Oh, great!  [quickly gets out of the car, opens the trunk, and gets
    out the tire and repair tools, grumbling all the way] Blasted rain,
    blasted tire, blasted Warners...

[Meanwhile, as soon as SnS is out of sight, the Warners huddle]

YAKKO: Well, old Scatchy's going to be there for a while.  Let's say
    we go exploring!
DOT: Yeah!  That's a great idea!  I thought I saw a castle back there!
WAKKO: Ooooh, a castle?  [pulls out a napkin and ties it around his neck]
    I'm *starving*!
YAKKO: Not that type of castle, Wakko!  It's a castle like the ones from
    Braveheart and- [suddenly catches himself and stares down at Dot]  And
    no, Dot, you can't dream about Mel this episode!
DOT: Oh, fine [pouts, and crosses her arms in front of her] You never let me
    have any fun!
YAKKO: [ignoring her] Wakko, the raincoats!

[Wakko pulls out his sack and quickly retrieves three rain coats from
them.  They swiftly dress and then look out the window.  SnS is still
hard at work on the tire, mumbling to himself.  Yakko puts his finger
to his lips, and quietly opens the other door.  They slip out, and
Yakko quietly closes the door.]

[Cut to deeper into the forest.  The Warners wander about, Wakko holding
a flashlight for them.]

YAKKO: [sarcastically] Ooooh, its so dark and spooky here!
DOT: Hey, big brother, it *is* dark and spooky here!  I'm scared!
YAKKO: Oh, come on, Dot!   What is there to be scared of here?

[Suddenly, a big lightning bolt strikes at a nearby tree. Dot jumps into
her brother's arms, and Wakko moves behind Yakko.  All three tremble

YAKKO: @@@@h, forget I said that!

[The Warners suddenly break out into a full run, yelling all the way.
They pass by a gate at a good pace, but Wakko slows down]

WAKKO: Hey, guys! Have a look at this!

[Yakko and Dot stop running and go back to look at the gate.  Wakko
holds the flashlight at a hastily-painted sign on the gate, half
falling off, which reads "Proceed at your own risk!"  Yakko
turns to the camera and points to the sign]

YAKKO: Ooohh, how inviting!
DOT: [pointing beyond the gate] Look, there's the castle!

[Zip pan to the castle, with several gothic features.  As we
look, a flash of lightning lights up some of the features.  Cut back
to the Warners, admiring the castle.]

DOT: Oh, how quaint!  I bet Martha Stewart did all the decorating!
WAKKO: [taking a sniff at the air] Hey, I smell something cooking!
    [takes another sniff] Ohhh, meatloaf!
YAKKO: Hey, it looks like they're having a party in there!  [a bit of
    an evil look] Let's go crash it!
DOT and WAKKO: [also with a bit of evil] Yeah!

[They proceed to walk through the gate.  As they near the castle,
they see an attic room with a light on, and a figure staring down at them]

DOT: Hey, I wonder who that is?!
YAKKO: Oh, figuring that this is some big Animaniacs-type crossover, I
    think I can take a guess...

[Cut to the attic room.  Brain, dressed in a butler's outfit from the
waist up, stares down at the Warners.]

BRAIN: [elated] YE-ES!  Just a bit closer, and I'll have everyone in place
    for tonight!
PINKY: [off to one side, dressed in a French maid outfit (waist up only),
    using a small feather duster to clean a nearby vase]  NARF!  Why, Brain?
    What are we doing tonight?
BRAIN: [Evil Grin(TM)] The same thing we do every night, Pinky...TRYING TO
    TAKE OVER THE WORLD! [back to normal] But first, we must greet our
    [note the stress on the first syllable] *mas*ter's guests...Come Pinky!
    [begins to walk off]
PINKY: Be right with you, Brain!  I've just gotta finishing dusting he-
    [Brain's hand clamps down on Pinky's arm and drags him away] ZORT!

[Cut to the front door of the castle.  The Warners are standing, admiring
the door's patterns.  Dot is shivering a bit, even though they still have
on their raincoats]

DOT: C-c-can w-we p-p-please r-r-ring the d-d-doorbell?
YAKKO: Oh, sorry about that, Dot!  Wakko, if you please?

[Wakko simply nods, grabs his sack, and pulls out a long length of cord.
He runs up the side of the door's alcove, attaches the cord to the ceiling,
and runs back down.  He then takes the rope in his hand, and pulls.
A large anvil drops and *CLANGS* quite loudly on Wakko's head.]

YAKKO: That was pointless.
DOT: Oooh, but that outta hurt!  Wakko, are you ok?!
WAKKO: [lifting the anvil off of himself and tossing it aside] Oh, I'm
    fine!  I just wanted to know what it felt like to be on the receiving
    end of an anvil.
YAKKO: And so, what's it like?
WAKKO: Well, it's like a mallet, only with a bit more 'metally' edge to

[Yakko is about to speak when suddenly, the door opens.  The Warners
stare into the space behind the door and see no one initially.  As
the Warners stare, a voice *ahem*s from below; they follow their gaze
down to where Brain is standing by the door.]

BRAIN: Yes, is there something I can help you with?
YAKKO: Hey, you're a little short to be a butler, aren't you?
DOT: Yea, I would expect someone ... *bigger*!
BRAIN: My size has nothing do with my position!
YAKKO: [de facto] Mwwwwwwaaaah! Goodnight, everybody!
BRAIN: [annoyed] Well, if you must know, I am a mouse in the initial stages
    of a complex plan for world domination.

[The Warners look at Brain for a moment, then to themselves.  They then
suddenly break out laughing.  Brain's expression turns angry.]

BRAIN: *SO* is there anything I can help you with?
YAKKO: [recovering from the laughing fit] Oh, sure!   We were wondering
    if you had a phone we could use?
BRAIN: A phone, eh?  Did your car break down or something?
WAKKO: No, I'm just *starving*!  I need to call Domino's, pronto!
BRAIN: Yes, well, I see.  Unfortunately, we don't have any phones, and-

[Pinky suddenly appears from behind the door and whispers quiet loudly
to Brain]

PINKY: But Brain, there's a phone right th-...[Brain fwaps Pinky]...
BRAIN: As I was saying, we have no phone.  This is an authentic 16th century
    castle, do you think they had phones back then?
WAKKO: Well, no...
BRAIN: [annoyed] Fine, matter settled.  Is there anything *else* that
    I can help you with?
DOT: Well, it sounds like you're having a great party in there!
YAKKO: Yeah!  We wanna come to your party!
BRAIN: [nervously] Well, um, no.  There is no party.  Those are just
    my associate's records...

[Suddenly, a lightning bolt lights up a row of motorcycles that
sit outside the door.  Brain tries to move in front of them (even
with his diminutive size) and block the Warner's view of them.]

BRAIN: [very nervous] Yes, just, um, my associate, listening to
    his records. He-heh...
YAKKO: Hey, is that a set of motorcycles over there?!
BRAIN: [still nervous] Um, yes, actually, they are my *mas*ter's
    prized collection.  Yes, he takes very good care of them.
PINKY: [approaching Brain, and again, whispering a bit too loud]
    But, Brain, I thought, they belonged to the gu- [Brain
    fwaps Pinky] ZORT!
BRAIN: [to Pinky, loudly] They belong to our *mas*ter.  And remember,
    my name is Riff-Rat, and yours is Pink! *Ooook*?
PINKY: [wandering around a bit confused from the fwap] Sure thing,
    Br-, er, I mean, Riff-Rat!  POIT!
YAKKO: [to audience, indicating the mice] You know, you just can't
    get good help these days.
DOT: Hey, Riff-Rat, can we come inside?  It's wet out here!
WAKKO: And my kester's cold!
BRAIN: [scowls] Very well.  Just follow Pink here and he'll show
    you in.
PINKY: [still a bit dazed] Ok, Riff-Rat!

[Pinky wobbles into the room.  The Warners follow, performing the same
wobbles.  Brain trails the group, and after looking around one last time,
he slams the door.]

[Cut to inside, to a room that has been decorated beyond reasonable
limits.  Icons from several eras line the walls, but in no
apparent pattern.  A steel elevator shaft stands in the middle of the
room.  A set of double doors lie on the far side of the room.

Pinky enters, followed by the Warners and Brain.  Pinky is speaking
as a tour guide (that is, somewhat awkward and halted)]

PINKY: ...And now, we enter the main hall, first constructed in
    1634.  Count, um, er, POIT!, um,...[to Brain] Hey, Br-, er,
    Riff-Rat, what was the name of that Count?
BRAIN: No time for that, Pink.  We must take the guests to the *mas*ter.
YAKKO: Hey, who is this [imitating Brain's accent] "*Mas*ter" person
WAKKO: Yea, he sounds really *scary*!
BRAIN: Oh, you shall meet the *mas*ter soon enough.  [Evil Grin(TM)]
    Oh yes...!

[Suddenly, rock music starts up.  Brain raises an eyebrow as the
intro continues, then suddenly screams]


[The music winds down.  Brain stomps off, the view following him
as he walks off the set to the crew.  The Warners and Pinky just
watch him walk off.

Brain approaches the director, Charlton Woodchuck, who is sitting
in his director's chair and is scowling down at Brain.  Brain scampers
up the chair into Charlton's lap.]

BRAIN: [angrily] Do I really need to sing this...this...this DRIVEL?!
CHARLTON: Well, it *is* in your contract.  I assume you want to
    get paid for this?
BRAIN: [grabs a copy of the script from nearby and opens it up to
    near the front] But...but look at these lyrics!  "Let's do the
    Mindwarp again?!"  This is worse than Vogon Poetry!
CHARLTON: [ignoring, examining his nails] Sing it, or you don't get
BRAIN: [does a slow burn, but calms down] Fine. [begins to climb off
    Charlton]  But this better not leave this studio! [gets on the ground,
    then tosses the script book at Charlton]
CHARLTON: [with the book hitting him in the stomach] OOF! [falls over
    backwards in the chair.  Aides rush over to help him up.]

[As Brain walks back onto set, the Warners reading various magazine,
and Pinky finishing off a soda with a straw.  As Brain walks on, the
others quickly make their items disappear, and they stand ready
to go.  Brain returns to his spot on the set, and stands there with
his hands in his 'pockets', a scowl on his face.  Yakko leans down
towards him]

YAKKO: Ready?
BRAIN: [takes a deep breath, then] Yes.

[Re-cue the music.]

MINDWARP (to the tune of "Timewarp" from RHPS)

BRAIN:                                          [Hands still in pockets]
        It's amazing...                         [Crossing to a clock that is
                                                   out of whack]
        Time is flying...
        Madness took its toll                   [Pinky bounces around behind
                                                   Brain in a straitjacket]
                                                [Brain crosses to Warners]
        But listen closely
PINKY:                                          [running up (out of the jacket)
                                                   besides Brain]
        Not for very much longer...POIT!
BRAIN:                                          [rolls his eyes, and reaches
                                                   off screen]
        *I*'ve got to...
        keep control!                           [whacks Pinky with a pencil.]

        I remember,                             [Hands back in 'pockets',
        Doing the Mindwarp                         Brain walks towards doors
                                                   on far end of room]
        Plotting, those golden years
        when those ideas would hit me...

BRAIN and PINKY:                                [Both take positions on
        And the world would be calling...          either door]

                                                [They open the door to reveal
                                                   a room filled with the
                                                   remaining A! cast, including
                                                   the Hip Hippos, all dressed
                                                   in sequined outfits]

ALL:    Let's do the Mindwarp again!            [Warners wandering into the
        Let's do the Mindwarp again!               room, confused]

[Cut to Slappy's library.  Slappy is currently taking a little nap.
After a few seconds, Skippy pops his head in.]

SKIPPY: [whisper] Psst!  Aunt Slappy! You're on! [ducks out]
SLAPPY: [waking up with a start] Wha..?! Who..?!  Oh, not this!  Ok, let's
    see here...[scrounges around on the table for a paper]  Ah, cripes, ya
    can never find anything when you need it...[pulls a paper out] Ahh, here
    it is! [retrieves a pair of specs from the table and wears em] Ok, let's
    see here... [reading from the paper] "It's just a jump to the right..."
    Hey, what sort of s-

[Interrupt Slappy and cut back to the room]

ALL:    And then a step to your side!           [Dance as per instructions]

[Back to Slappy, a bit peeved]

SLAPPY: Oook, then...then you've got "Put you hands on your hips..."
    [annoyed] Hey, Sk-

[Interrupt Slappy and back to room]

ALL:    And bend your knees in wide!
        But its the chicken dance
        That really takes you away!
        Let's do the Mindwarp again!
        Let's do the Mindwarp again!

PINKY:							[Dancing on a buffet table]
	It's so eerie...
	Fantasies free me,
	So I don't think, no never more! (POIT!)

	In a alternate dimension,			[Approaching a cheese plate]
	With mousy intention,
	Well pleased, I eat all! (NARF!)		[Grabs a piece of cheese and
	                                             eats it.]

	With a hit of the head, nit...		[Grabbing for a ruler...]

	I'm in to the mind slip!
								[Brain *FWAPS* Pinky]
    And nothing can ever be the same.
PINKY:							[wobbling from the fwap]
    I'm spaced out on sensation!
	But you're not under sedation.

    Let's do the Mindwarp again

[Cut back to Slappy, who's on the phone]

SLAPPY: ...Yes, you heard me right!  I'm not going to be any part of this
    perverted teenage dance craze!  Would you just take a look at these

[Cut back to room]

ALL:    And then a step to your side!	      [Again, dancing appropriately]

[Cut back to Slappy, looking very disgusted, just sitting there, holding
up a sign that says "Put your hands on your hips"]

[Cut back to the room]

ALL:    And bend your knees out wide!
        But its the chicken step

        That really takes you away!
        Let's do the Mindwarp again!
        Let's do the Mindwarp again!

                                                [Cut to Rita, wearing a
                                                   sequined hat and bow
                                                   tie, sitting atop a

     Well, we were walking down the street, just having a think,
     When this psycho guy pulled out a piece of meat,
     Runt wouldn't stop, he took an enormous bite,
     Next thing you know, we were caught, all right.
     He took us here, and stuck my in the dress,
     My agent's dead for this entire mess!		[This line delivered
                                                    more under her breath]

ALL: Lets do the Mindwarp again!
     Lets do the Mindwarp again!

[Repeat chorus, with no cuts to Slappy...

     It's just a jump to the right,
     And a step to the side,
     Put your hands on your hips,
     And bend your knees out wide,
     But it's the chicken dance,
     That really takes you away!
     Let's do the Mindwarp again!
     Let's do the Mindwarp again!

[Rita now proceeds to tap dance, using extended claws for noise factor.
Of course, a cat trying to tap dance on all fours is certainly an
interesting sight, especially since it looks like floor has been recently
waxed. She almost makes it through with a few "Whoa!"s, but finally, at the
end of the phrase, she slips and flies off screen, crashing into a serving

RITA: [spoken] Tap dancing was certainly *NOT* in my contact!

[Back to singers]

ALL: Lets do the Mindwarp again!
     Lets do the Mindwarp again!

     It's just a jump to the right,
     And a step to the side,
     Put your hands on your hips,
     And bend your knees out wide,
     But it's the chicken dance,
     That really takes you away!
     Let's do the Mindwarp again!
     Let's do the Mindwarp again!

[The music ends by slowing down; as it slows, the party guests fall slowly
to the floor]

[After the song is over, the entire party is laid out on the floor.
Cut to Dot]

DOT: Well, that was certainly...*interesting*.

[Pan to Yakko and Wakko.  Yakko is dressed as Dick Clark, while Wakko is
dressed in a near-70s style dancing outfit (not necessarily disco, but
damn close.]

YAKKO: Wakko, what did you think?
WAKKO: Well, it had a catchy beat, and I could really dance to it,
    but the lyrics weren't that good.  I'd give it a 73.
DOT: Right, you two, lets stick in the 90's!

[Meanwhile, Brain, who seems irritated, and Pinky, following Brain, cross
the floor to wear the Warners are standing]

BRAIN: [relieved] Mmmm, yes, now that we've gotten *that* out of the way...
PINKY: Ooooohh, but, Br-, er, I mean, Riff-Rat, I just love to dance sooo
    much!  NARF!

[Brain grabs Pinky's nose, yanks it down, then releases it.  It snaps
back, and Pinky's head rocks back and forth for a bit.]

BRAIN: As I was saying, the *mas*ter of this house is in the middle of the
    party, and he'll be with you in a moment.
YAKKO: What?  You mean he's not with the rest of his guests?
DOT: Geesh! What a poor host!
BRAIN: [a bit annoyed] No, you misunderstand.  The *mas*ter is currently
    changing into something a bit more, er....comfortable.

[There is noticeable 'chink' from behind the Warners]

BRAIN: Ahh, there he is now.  [walks past the Warners and out of the
    ball room into the foyer room.]

[As the Warners follow, Brain looks up at the elevator shaft.  Slowly
a steel cage descends the shaft.  Inside, we see the feet of someone
(a human), tapping a bit quickly.  As more of the elevator descents into
view, we see Mr. Director, in a lime-green lab coat, pressing angrily
at one of the buttons in the car.]

MR.D: Hoil!  I knew I never should've bought this cheap elevator!  Move
    it will you, you lousy piece of cr-
BRAIN: [clearing his throat] *Ahem*, *mas*ter, we do have guests, you know...
MR.D: [catches himself as the elevator stops on the main floor] Oh yes,
    the party.  I forget about that.
BRAIN: We also have some, er, uninvited guests.  May I present, ....
    [a bit of confusion crosses Brain's features, and he turns to the
    Warners] What *are* your names?

[The Warners ignore Brain and rush up and into Mr. D's arms]

YAKKO and WAKKO: Hello! We're the Warner brothers!
DOT: And the Warner sister! [in Mr. D's ear] I'm the cute one!
MR. D: [dropping the Warners, in Jerry Lewis mode] HOIL! Stop it, with
    the puppy children, and the jumping!
YAKKO: Hey! We aren't puppy-children!  Our latin name is
    "Tonnus Animanious"!  We're in no way related to dogs *or*
WAKKO: [to Yakko] What's that mean, "Tonnus Animanious?"
DOT: [stepping in] He means we're toons, silly!
WAKKO: Oh, yeah! I forgot.  Better make a note of that! [pulls out a slip
    of paper, writes something on it, and slips in back under his
    hat (while the conversation continues)]
MR. D: [normal] Well, whoever you are, you're not invited.  This is an
    RSVP party only.  Riff-Rat, show them the door. [walks around the Warners,
    and into the ball room]
BRAIN: You heard what he said.  OUT, you three!
WARNERS: [Disappointed] Awwww....

[The Warners trudge to the door, Brain following them sternly.]

DOT: We promise we'll be good!
WAKKO: Yeah, I'll only go once through the buffet table!
YAKKO: [aside to Brain] @@@@h, I wouldn't hold him up to that promise.
BRAIN: NO, unfortunately, my *mas*ter has spoken, and I obey.  OUT!
WAKKO: [suddenly stops, and pulls out the Wacky Sack] Oh, wait! I've got
    something to liven this party up!

[Wakko digs deep into the sack, pulls out assorted junk including a few
newspapers, a couple of slices of toast, a water pistol, a deck of cards,
and a bag of rice.  Finally he struggles out of the bag with...]

PIP: Hello.  Some party, huh? [reaches out to shake Brain's hand]
BRAIN: Yes, it is. [proceeds to shake Pip's hand]
PIP: You know, this all reminds me of a party were they were serving
    cheese balls.  Cheese balls; that must be nature's most enjoyable
    food, not that nature makes it or anything, but you get the idea.
    Well, anyway, about this party.  They were serving cheese balls, and
    as I was consuming my plate of them, this young lad comes up to me
    and he reminds of this one time when I met Bob Barker.  Yes, Bob
    Barker...[ etc. etc. ]
BRAIN: [dejected, can't get his hand out of Pip's grip] Ohhhh, no...

[The Warners turn from Brain, and sorta huddle]

YAKKO: Come, sibs.  We've got a host to annoy!
DOT and WAKKO: All right!

[The Warners back into the party. Pip continues his story, while Brain
continues to struggle out of his grip.]

BRAIN: Pinky! Come help me out of this!
PINKY: Sure thing, Brain.  NARF!

[Pinky gets behind Brain and tries to pull Brain out.]

[Cut to the ball room.  Mr. D has entered and taken a seat on a throne-like
chair in the front of the room.  The party guests all have glasses raised
as if in a toast]

GUESTS: To Mr. Director!
Mr. D: Thank you, thank you. [bows in the chair] Thank you for coming

[Suddenly, from behind the chair, the Warner jump out and into Mr. D's

WARNERS: Hello, Nurse! [they give big wet kisses on his face.]
Mr. D: Freun Laven! Stop it...with the kisses and all!
DOT: We missed you!
WAKKO: [nearly whiny] And you tried to kick us out!

[One of the party guests walks up to the stage]

FLABIO: Excuse me, Mr. Scientist-type guy.  Are these the experiments
    that you were telling us about?
Mr. D: Good heavens, no! [he drops the Warners on the stage] I've never
    seen these juveniles in my life!
YAKKO: [faking tears] But Daddy! We love you! [grabs on to Mr. D's leg
    and start to fake crying]
DOT and WAKKO: DADDY! [also grab and fake crying]
FLABIO: Children, eh?  How quaint...but I thought that you were a tran-
Mr. D: [shouting] I AM NOT A 'DADDY'!  [reaches down and grabs Yakko's
    ears and lifts him off his leg.  He brings Yakko up to his face,
    and whisper harshly] Listen here.  I'm having a very important
    party, and I *don't* need gatecrashers at this point!
YAKKO: [turns and winks to the audience, then back to Mr. D] A party,

[Cut to Dot, standing on the stage, surrounded by piles and piles of
plastic serving dishes.  A couple of the guests stand around and
look at the stuff]

DOT: Ooooh, is it a DupperWare party?!  [turns to one of guests and
	shows her an item] And with this air-tight lid, just make sure
	you 'burp' it and it'll be sealed [does the action, the dish
	emits a loud "BAUURP!" that could compete with Wakko].  See, it's

[Cut to Wakko, in a large nightshirt, sitting on a bed that wasn't in
the room before, along with a couple of other guests, also now in
nightshirts, one in curlers.]

WAKKO: [as if to Dot] No, he meant a slumber party! [to the others
    on the bed, and in a tittery voice] Heheheh! And they what did
    Bobby say?! [general giggles]

[Cut back to Yakko and Mr. D on stage.  Yakko is out of Mr. D's
grip, and Mr. D looks a bit surprised and upset]

YAKKO: No, no, sibs.  Not *that* type of party!  [walks over to one
    side of the stage and pulls a curtain rope, revealing Bob Dole,
    Newt Gingrich, and several other Republicans.]  He means
    *this* type of party!

[Cut back to Mr. D, doing a slow burn.  Quickly, he reaches out with
his hand returns with the Warners, held by their ears.]

MR. D: Listen you three!  This is a *private* party, by *invitation*
    only!  Do *you* have an invitation, hmmm?

[The Warners at one another, then each slowly pull out their pockets to
reveal nothing]

YAKKO: Um, no?

[Cut to outside the house.  We see the door open, hear a dull *thump*,
and suddenly see the Warners flying out and landing several yards away.
The door slams.]

DOT: Oh, how rude!
YAKKO: Sibs, I think we just found today's special friend!
WAKKO: [rubbing his hands together with a bit of an evil look] Ooooh,
    I can't wait!  What are we going to do first?  Give him a lugie?
YAKKO: No, I've got a better idea.  HUDDLE!

[The Warners fall into a huddle.  As they gabber, the door opens again,
and a large form flies out.  As it nears landing, we see it is Pip,
with Pinky and Brain hanging on for dear life on his jacket.  They land
with a thump near the Warners ("ZORT!")]

PIP: [disappointed (?)] Hey, that wasn't very nice.  I wasn't done telling
    my story...anyway, after I had gone to the furniture store-
BRAIN: [getting up and grabbing Pip by the lapels] SHUT UP! [rattles
    Pip around for a bit] Your infernal ranterings are worse than Pinky's!
PIP: Ok, ok!  Fine, I know when I'm not wanted.
BRAIN: Fine! [drops the lapels]  Come, Pinky, we need to return to house to
    continue to execute our plan for tonight!
PINKY: [getting out from under Pip]  POIT! Right-o, Brain!

[The mice walk off.  Pip gets up and dusts himself off as the Warners break
out of their huddle.]

DOT: Yakko, that's EVIL! Even for you!
WAKKO: The censors' will never allow it!


YAKKO: I figured that much. [noticing Pip] Hey, Pip!  How's it going?!
PIP: Oh the usual.  Got kicked out on another party. *Again*. How rude.
DOT: Oh, not as rude as the welcoming we got on Geraldo.
WAKKO: Or from the FOX network!
PIP: Mmm, yes. [pause, then somewhat covertly] Say, are you going to get
    back at him?
YAKKO: Of course!  Otherwise, this cartoon would be over, and we'd have to
    Katie Ka-Boom shorts for the rest of the show! [shudders]
PIP: Good! [reaches into his coat and returns with a wad of bills]  Give
    him my best regards.
WARNERS: [grabbing at the cash] NOOOO Problem!

[Cut to the lab.  The lab itself is about 60 feet by 20 feet, and is
painted in a peach-cream like color.  At the short ends, ramps lead up
from the floor to a balcony that extends completely along one of the long
ends.  On the other long end, a stage front can be seen, and the curtains
are currently closed.  On the wall beneath the balcony, there are two
main features; a bank of instruments, the functions which are currently
undeterminable, and a large red door with the words "DEEP FREEZE" on them.
The wire elevator runs through the room on one of the short ends of the room,
while a red tank with frosted glass sits opposite it.  Currently, there
is a white sheeting covering the top of the tank.  The entire ceiling
is a hemisphere, painted blue with stars and other stellar objects on it.

Currently, the group of party guests are standing up on the balcony,
watching everything from down below.  Mr. D is approaching the stage,
pausing only to get a pair of rubber gloves from Pinky (who's standing
on a table nearby).  As he steps up to a microphone set on the stage,
he snaps the rubber gloves, hurting himself in the process...("HOIL!")]

MR.D: [approaching the mike, causing a bit of feedback] Hello, hello? Is
    this thing on? [clears his throats] Good evening, ladies and
    gentlemen.  It is my graceful honor that we are gathered to witness
    a miracle of modern science! [applause from the audience] For I,
    Mr. Director, have discovered the secret to life...itself! [more
    applause]  For even though it was an accident...
ALL THE REST: [in hushed whispers] An accident?!
MR.D: An accident!  An accident that lead to that ... spark ... of life!
    [more applaud]  And tonight, I shall demonstrate that power for
    you all! Riff-Rat! Pink!  Are we ready to go?!

[Cut to Brain and Pinky, manning the controls in the wall.  Rita stands
nearby, waiting for commands]

BRAIN: [seemingly annoyed] Yes, all is in readiness, *mas*ter.

MR.D: Excellent! [he crosses from the stage to the tank] And now, I
    present...[reaches for the cloth]...the secret to life!
    [pulls the sheet off]

[Suddenly, the Warners pop up out of the tank, one at a time...]

YAKKO: Helllooooo....
WAKKO: Helllooooo....
DOT: Helllooooo....

[All three jump out of the tank and into Mr.D's arms, and then give him
another big wet sloppy kiss]

MR.D: HOIL! Stop it, with the popping out of tanks, and the kisses!
DOT: Oh, but we missed you *sooo* much!
YAKKO: [indicating the tank] Hey, did you know you have a dead guy in
WAKKO: [jumping out of Mr.D's hand and looking into the tank] Really?!
    Cool!  [tries to reach out and touch something in the tank]
MR.D: [calmly] I thought I kicked you three out!
YAKKO: Oh, you did.  It was just that it was still raining out there, and
    poor Dot here was scared!  You're not going to let 3 little kids
    stay out there on a night like this?
DOT: [batting her eyes and looking *cute*] We promise we won't touch
MR.D: [takes a deep breath] Fine fine. [to Brain] Riff-Rat, show these
    ... er, children to a safe distance. [pulls Wakko out of the tank,
    and speaks to his face] and DON'T touch *anything*!
WAKKO: [dejected] Awwww...
YAKKO: [whispering to Wakko] Remember, you'll have plenty of time to
    play with the dead body later!
WAKKO: [whispering to Yakko] Oh, yeah! That's right!
BRAIN: [standing at the far side of the tank, and indicating to the
    Warners] Children, if you will walk this way...[walks with his
    hands in his 'pockets']
DOT: [looks to Yakko] Aw, do we have to do this tired old gag again?
YAKKO: Anything for entertainment value, sis!

[All three follow Brain with their hands in their 'pockets' and the
same permanent scowl on their faces as with Brain.

After the Warners have moved away, Mr.D begins to play with a few of the
dials on the back side of the tank, and inspects the inside for any
potential damage that the Warners did.  Satisfied that nothing is
wrong, he looks back to Brain, again poised at the controls.]

MR.D: Bring down the Polychormatic-chromatizier!

[Brain pulls down hard on a control.  A half-sphere of wires and metal,
about a foot in diameter, descends from the ceiling...]

YAKKO: Oh, that's nothing.  I've got a dozen of those back at the tower.
DOT: And, boy, are they ever *uggg-ly*!
BRAIN: [to the Warners] Shhh! It's important not to disturb the *mas*ter
    while he is in the middle of his experiment.
YAKKO: [winking to his siblings] Oh, sorry!  We'll be *really* quiet.

[Cut back to Mr.D.  The device has finally dropped to about a foot above
the top of the tank, and Mr.D is playing with the controls on it.  Each
control seems to release a colored stream of liquid into the tank.

As he plays with the controls on one side, a blue-shirted arm reaches up
from behind the tank, and turns one of the controls on the opposite side.
Mr.D looks back, and notices the control that is out of position, and
immediately turns it off.  While he does this, the blue-shirted arm
repeats the trick with a control on the other side.  Again, Mr.D looks
back, a bit annoyed and fixes the control.  Again, the arm pops
up, but Mr.D is quick enough to grab it before it can touch the control.
He pulls up on the arm to reveal Wakko behind it]

MR.D: Would you *please* stop it?!
WAKKO: Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm soooo hungry!

[As this goes on, Yakko and Dot pop up behind Mr.D's back, and with a
flurry of hands, they change all the controls on this side of the device,
then quickly disappear]

MR.D: HOIL! [reaches deep into his lab coat pockets, and eventually
    pulls out a sucker.] Here!  Take this, and go back over there!
WAKKO: [gladly accepting the sucker] Oh, thank you! I'll never
    forget this!

[Wakko walks back over to his sibs, who appeared to not have moved since
he left, and starts to unwrap the sucker]

DOT: Hey, did you get one for all of us?
YAKKO: Yeah, we're hungry too!
AUDIENCE: [from above] SHHHHH!

[Cut back to Mr.D.  He takes a deep breath, and looks back at the device.
Apparently, he does not notice anything amiss in the settings, and takes
one last look at the dials.  He then addresses the audience]

MR.D: And finally, I will add the most important compound of all...

[He turns a dial, and another colored liquid drains into the tank.
Mr. D looks extremely pleased with himself...for a few moments.  Suddenly,
there is a big flash and an explosion from the tank, and a cloud of
smoke billows out.  As it clears, Mr.D is covered with soot, and what's
left of his hair is whipped back.  He blinks a couple of times, then shakes
himself off, which returns him to normal.  He then stomps over to the
Warners and lifts all three off the ground by the ears.]

MR.D: Freun Laven!  How many times do I have to tell you!  STAY PUT!
YAKKO: Oh, well if you put it that way...fine, we'll just stay here!

[Mr.D lets go, and the Warners stay midair.]


[Mr.D does a slow burn, and shakes the Warners (by the ears again)]

DOT: Hey, OW! I just had a perm!  You better not mess it up!
MR.D: If this wasn't a kiddie show, I wouldn't hesitate to k-
WAKKO: [pointing to the tank] Hey, look!  The dead guy's moving!

[Everyone turns and looks.  Indeed, within the depths of the tank, the dim
form inside begins to struggle and reaches for the side of the tank.
Mr.D drops the Warners and rushes to the side of the tank.  He quickly
operates a control on the side of the hanging device, and it retracts into
the ceiling.  He then reaches down into the tank to help the figure out.]

MR.D: Rita! I need your help!

[Cut to Rita, still standing by the control panel]

RITA: [sarcasticly] Oh, am I in this show?! Geesh!

[She walks over, and jumps onto the tank's side.  By this time, Mr.D has
the body standing up in the tank.  We see that the body is covered head to
toe in medical gauze]

MR.D: [to Rita] If you would do the honors.
RITA: [a bit of an evil grin on her face] Certainly! [she holds up a
    paw, and extends her claws.  She then quickly swipes at the body,
    cutting the gauze.]

[Cut to a shot from behind the tank. The lightning effect is such that
Mr.D, Rita and the body are nearly black.  At the far side of the room,
the Warners watch as the gauze falls off the body.  Slowly, a look of
sheer terror develop on their faces.

YAKKO: Oh, no!  Anything but that!
WAKKO: Oh the horror! Oh the humanity!
DOT: Have you no SHAME?!

[Cut back in front of the tank, to reveal...

(dramatic chords)


There is a collective gasp from the audience.  The Mime, as soon as the
bandages are off, begins to mime being trapped in a box]

MR.D: [with a bit of *evil*] I present ... the Mime!  The second most
    popular form of entertainment in France!

[The audience applauds enthusiastically.  Cut to the Warners]

YAKKO: [indicating Mr.D] Boy, I'd say someone here need psychiatric help.
DOT: Hey, speaking of nuts, what happened to Scratchy?!
YAKKO: Oh, he's probably out there, still trying to change the tire...

[Zip pan to the car.  Dr. SNS is just finishing the last touches on the tire,
and although he is soaking wet, he seems pleased.]

SnS: Zere!  I'm done!  [he grabs the tools and puts them in the trunk of
    the car]  And you Warnerz have been zoo quiet back there!

[Cut to the back seat.  Three fabric replicas of the Warners sit in the
back seat.  One of them suddenly moves]

BOBBY: [from the Yakko doll] Yo, Pesto!  Quit squirming!
SQUIT: [from the Dot doll] Yeah, coo it!  Those weird looking kids told us
    to sit still and act like dummies, and they'll give a big bag of
    seed, man!

[A short pause]

PESTO: [from the Wakko doll] Dummy?  Are *you* saying that *I'm* a dummy?
SQUIT: No, no, that's not what I meant!
PESTO: And so what did you mean?
SQUIT: I just said that we have to act like dummies!  We just have to sit
    here and act dumb!
PESTO: Act dumb, eh? [pause] Pasta-la-zol!  That's it!

[Pesto suddenly bursts out of the doll and attacks Squit.]

BOBBY: Hey, hey, coo it, you two!  Here he comes!

[The pigeons don't stop fighting as Dr. SnS steps into the car and looks
in the back seat.  Dr. SnS gasps at the sight]

SnS: Ahh! Dirty birdz!  Filthy birdz!  Get out! Get out!

[He swipes his hand at the pigeons.  They abandon their doll outfits and
fly out the car door.  As the fly away, we follow them]

BOBBY: Oh great, we almost had that seed, then you go ahead and ruin it,
PESTO: Hey, it's not my fault!  If Squit here watched what he said, we
    wouldn't be in this mess!
SQUIT: I'm sorry guys! [pause] Hey, lets go check out that Curry place!
    I heard he's got a clue to some seed around here!
BOBBY: Good idea, Squit!

[They flap off]

[Cut back to Dr. SnS, who's looking at the fabric dolls in the back seat]

SnS: [furious] Ohhhh, I knew zose Warnerz couldn't zit ztill for zis long!
    [ponders] Hmmm, where could zey go in zuch a zhort time...

[As he looks out the back seat windows, he notices footprints in the soft
mud leading away from the car]

SnS: Aha!  I've got you now, Warnerz!

[SnS grabs an umbrella from the back seat, and follows the tracks]

[Zip pan back to the lab; Mime is now out of the tank, and doing a mime-
rope pull in the middle of the lab floor.  Mr. D is walking around
the Mime, impressed with his work, and rattling off numbers to Brain,
who is taking them down on a clipboard.  The Warners are just staring off,
dumbfoundedly, still disbelieving what they see.]

MR.D: Ok, "attraction getting factor" of 1.9...
BRAIN: [writing it down] ...[mumble] ...1.9...
MR.D: And..[impressed with something] and a "approval rating" of 98!
BRAIN: [writing] ... [mumble] ...98....
YAKKO: [impersonating Mr.D] And a stupidity factor of one million...
BRAIN: [writing] ... [mumble] million...
MR.D: HOIL!  Riff-Rat, ignore that last number!  [storms over to the
    Warners] Listen here, I know what you're trying to do, but its too
    late for that!  I *have* created my mime, and-...
WAKKO: "Mine Mine"? Geesh, you think you would at least share your
DOT: Yeah, you'll never make friends with that attitude, young man!
MR.D: [grabs at the Warners ears again] I don't care!  *I've done it!*
    No more silly interruptions to work about, no more distractions,

[Suddenly, there is a siren, and by the red door, a flashing red light
goes off.  Mr.D drops the Warners, and backs away from the door, nearly
tripping over the Mime, who's trying to mime-row a boat.  The
Warners also back away, only to avoid being hit as the door falls open,
and clouds of condensing steam form.  As this disperses, we see that
there is basically a cold storage area behind the door.  From its depths,
a dark figure appears and quickly steps out into the warmth...]

RUNT: Brrrrrrrr! It's definitely cold in there! Definitely! [shakes himself
    off, causing everyone to hold up their arms.  As Runt stops shaking,
    we see that there are some stitches in his head.]
RITA: [bounding over to Runt] Hey, Runt!  Where *have* you been?
RUNT: Oh, that nice man gave me a big fat steak and told me to wait in there.
    That was nice, definitely nice.
RITA: Runt, *that* [indicating the cold storage] is a freezer!  You
    could've been killed!
RUNT: Ohhh.  That would explain why it was so cold in there.  WOOF!
PINKY: [to Brain] Ohh, *now* I get it! NARF! You're planning on st- [Brain
    throws his hand onto Pinky's mouth] MMMFFPH!
BRAIN: Quiet, Pink, or I shall have to hurt you!
YAKKO: You know, folks, it doesn't get any better than this!
WAKKO: Ooooh, does that mean another Emmy for us?
YAKKO: @@@@@h I wouldn't go that far....

[Mr.D suddenly explodes on the scene]

MR.D: FRUEN LAVEN!  Enough! Enough of this nonsense!  [points to Brain
    and Pinky] You, watch the subject! [points to the Warners] You,
    stand still! [points to Rita] You, make sure our guests have their
    drinks refilled! And... [points to Runt] *you* get back in that
RUNT: [nervously] Ooooh, no, definitely no!  [he turns tail and start to
    run away]
MR.D: Come back here! [chases after Runt]

[Begin cheesy chase song.  Runt uses the ramps along the sides of the room,
and races along the balcony, scaring the guests and sending a couple over
the rail.  This continues for several minutes.

After a couple of laps, they pass by the Warners, sitting in lawn chairs.
Wakko has a big bowl of popcorn, and all three are munching away at it.]

WAKKO: Better than pro wrestling!
DOT: Wrong show, Wakko.
WAKKO: Ooops! Sorry! [swallows the rest of the popcorn]

[Finally, Mr.D gets the idea, and stops chasing after Runt, and instead
reaches back behind the tank and pulls out a large net.  Runt, oblivious
to this, continues to race around, and as he nears the tank on this lap,
Mr.D throws the net over him.]

RUNT: Oh, this is bad.  Definitely bad.
RITA: [surprised and upset] RUNT!  Get out of here!
MR.D: No way, he's not going anywhere!  Well, back to the freezer, that is...

[As Mr.D crosses back to the freezer, Rita races up to him and neatly
attaches herself (with her claws) to his leg.]

RITA: Put him down, or I'll just go a bit higher here...
MR.D: HOIL! Stop it, with the sharp pointy claws...!  [regains his
    composure, and notices a small hole in the wall several feet above
    the ground.  He sticks the end of the net in this hole, which keeps
    Runt off the ground and hanging in the net.]  You, stay put! [he
    then reaches down and pulls off Rita from his leg, removing a good
    bit of fabric at the same time.  Rita immediately tries to claw
    him again, but he keeps her at arms' length as he walks back to the
    tank, and he unceremoniously drops her in the tank.  She tries to
    get back out with no luck.]  You, stay there! [he goes back over
    and retrieves the net]
RITA: [wailing] RUNT!

[While Rita continues to cry out, Mr.D takes Runt back into the vault.
Runt begins to bark loudly as he goes in, but slowly, the barks die
down.  Soon, the only thing that can be heard is Rita's wails and
the stacking of ice in the freezer.  Finally, Mr.D walks out of the
vault, sans Runt, and brushes his hands off.]

MR.D: That's one for the vault! [he operates a control on the side of the
    door, and it begins to rise]

[General laughter from the guests.

Rita finally claws her way from the tank, and runs up to the freezer door
as it shuts]

RITA: Runt, you stupid oof! You've got to get out of there!  RUNT!!!
    [starts to cry]

[Suddenly, the Warners zip into scene next to her, dressed in formal wear.
Yakko holds out an award to Rita]

YAKKO: And for Most Outstanding Supporting Role in a Cartoon, we, the
    Animaniacs Awards Committee, would like to this award to Rita the Cat!
RITA: [back to normal] Well, its about bloody time!  Sheesh! [she grabs
    the award and stomps away]
YAKKO: [turning to his sibs] What did I say?! [he shrugs]

[Cut to Pinky and Brain.  Brain has been cautiously biding his time,
working out some figures on a piece of paper.  Pinky is idly glancing
around, then suddenly notices something on the controls]

PINKY: NARF! Br-, er, I mean, Riff-Rat!  There's something on the
BRAIN: [turns to look] Hmmm?

[Cut to the scanner; its a octagonal shape, and transmits poorly in black
and white.  On the scanner, we see Dr. SnS standing by the front door,
curiously examining the woodwork]

BRAIN: *Mas*ter, we have an intruder!

[Brain fwaps Pinky]

MR.D: [still sweating a bit from his hassle with Runt] Excellent!  [he
    crosses over to the mice.] Where is he now?
BRAIN: [looking at the scanner] He's in the Zed room, *mas*ter!
MR.D: The *Zed* room?  I didn't know we had a Zed room!

[Zip pan to the Zed room, namely, Lord Zed from MMPR (er SSWS in this case).
Begin guitar lead - in.  Lord Zed is standing around, along with Rita
Rapunzel and the comic relieve.  Dr. SnS is standing in the background,
*really* confused.]

LORD ZED: BWA-HAHAHAH!  I've got those Warners right where I want them!
RITA R.: Ahhhh! Let me send a giant monster down there to take of them!
SNS: [nervously] Um, er, hello?  Can zomeone here me?

BRAIN: [v.o., apologetically] Sorry, I meant the *Zen* room...

[The scene behind SnS pans off screen and is immediately replaced by
a room filled with several cultures items of Oriental make.  The
music is replaced with an Oriental style of medition-like music.
SnS looks shocked, but relieved.]

SNS: Ahhh, much better...[he begins to examine pieces in the room.]

[Zip pan back to the lab.]

DOT: Wow, that was *weird*!
YAKKO: Remind me to get script approval next time, sibs.
WAKKO: Why?  Was that too strange for us?
YAKKO: Nah, just too expensive! [he turns from his sibs and faces two
    men in suits, holding a contract in front of Yakko.  If one
    looks carefully, one can see the Saban logo on the contract.  Yakko
    proceeds to sign the contract while handing a large sack of money
    to the lawyers, who are grinning madly]

[Cut to Mr.D and the mice, still watching the scanner]

MR.D: Excellent!  Use the ElectroFerroRollerCoasterMagnet and bring him to
PINKY: [dumbly saluting] Right-o!  POIT! [Pinky proceeds to hit a large
    button on the panel]

[Cut back to the Zen room.  Dr. SnS is currently examining a Buddha
statue when there is a loud buzz, and the floor just behind SnS opens,
and a wooden seat rises out of the floor.  SnS is taken by surprise by
this, and suddenly falls backwards into the seat.  Almost instantaneously,
large straps fly out and constrain the doctor, who struggles against them
without luck.  Soon after, the seat quickly moves along the floor, and
SnS is calling out for help.

In what appears to be speeded up camera work, we see SnS in the seat move
quickly around the house; he circumvents the main foyer room several times,
then begins to go upstairs.  After several flights, the seat moves off the
stairwell along a straight path.

Cut to SnS's POV.  The chair passes underneath a sign that says "Car Wash".]

SNS: AAAAIIIEE!!!! [trying to cover his head]

[Cut to the side, as the seat enters what appears to be a car wash in the
middle of a house.  SnS screams and groans at appropriate points during
the wash, and eventually, he and the seat come out soaked, with a few soap
bubbles clinging to him.   He looks a bit groggy.

Cut back to SnS's POV.  The seat passes under another sign, "The Bakery".]

SNS: [louder] AAAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!!! [straining at the belts that hold him

[Cut to the side, as the seat enters an automatic bakery in the house.
SnS again screams, and the roar of fire can be heard.  Finally, he and
the seat emerge, both a bit charred from the heat.  SnS looks *really* sick

[Cut to SnS's POV again.  This time, the sign reads, "The Screamer"]

SNS: [louder] AAAI- [normal] Oh, wait, what'z zat anyway?

[Suddenly, the seat breaks through a wall, and we see a HUGE roller coaster,
with an impossibly high first hill.  As SnS and car race around the track,
SnS is screaming all the way.]

[Cut back to the lab.  Mr.D is patiently tapping his foot.  The Warners
are all standing around, looking at the scanner as well.  Most of the
party guests have departed.  Rita is nowhere to be seen.  Slowly, the
sound of an airplane in a nose dive can be heard.  This builds, then finally
there is a loud *smash* in the wall behind the balcony, and SnS and the
seat break through the wall.  SnS looks *very* sick.]


[They throw several rolls of toilet papers up for no apparant reason.
The TP drifts down and lines the room.

The seat begins to descend one of the ramps, and then stops in front
of the control bank.  It tilts forward, releasing the clamps it has
on SnS, and then backs off the way it came.  The Warners immediately bound
over to SnS.]

YAKKO: Hey, we've missed you, big guy!
WAKKO: You almost missed the party!
SNS: [groggily] Um, I zought I told you to wait in the car...
DOT: Yeah, you did, but we were bored.  I mean, we know how mechanically
    adept you are...

[Meanwhile, Mr.D has moved to stand over SNS, his shadow falling imposingly
across him.]

MR.D: Well, well, we meet again!
SNS: [recognizing Mr.D] You!
MR.D: Of course it's me!  You certainly can't forget about me after *you*
    got me fired from the studio!
SNS: [nervous] B-but you were insane!  You wanted to create a master race
    of mimes to take over the world!  I had to get you out of there.
YAKKO: [tapping on SNS's shoulder] Um, news flash, but he's already done it.
    [points to the Mime, who's currently miming climbing a ladder]
SNS: [furious] OH MY GOODNESS! [back to Mr.D] You're tampering with ze
    forces of nature!
MR.D: Yes, I know.  [evilly] Isn't it *wonderful*!
SNS: [really furious] You could destroy ze entire world!
YAKKO: [to Dot] You know, I haven't seen Scratchy this upset
DOT: [to Yakko, looking at a watch on her arm] This morning?
YAKKO: Yeah, pretty much.
MR.D: [to the Warners' faces] FREUN LAVEN! Would you children be *quiet*?!

[Mr.D storms away from the group, and to where Brain and Pinky have been

MR.D: [calmly] I think we shall discuss the rest of this over dinner.
BRAIN: Whatever you say, *mas*ter.
PINKY: [eager] Ohh! Ohh! Can I do the gong,, I mean, Riff-Rat?!
    Can I?! [claps his hands in anticipation]
BRAIN: Whatever, Pink.

[Pinky reaches into the depths of the controls, and pulls out a small
gong and a mallet.  He sets the gong down.]

PINKY: Dinner is prepared! NARF!

[He winds up and swings at the gong.  Of course, he misses horribly, and
instead, his head hits the gong ("ZORT!")]

WAKKO: Well, it's *about* time! [pulls out a napkin and a fork and knife from
    somewhere]  I'm *starving*!

[Cut to the dining room.  As with the main foyer, it is impossibly decorated
beyond belief.  The Warners, Dr. SnS, Rita, and the Mime are seated at the
table, which is elegantly decorated.  Mr.D is also seated at the head of the
table.  As we watch, Brain is finishing pouring glasses of water for everyone,
while Pinky, struggling with the utensils, is cutting up slices of meat and
serving them to everyone.]

YAKKO: [sarcastically] Ooooh, what great service!
DOT: Hey, look!  There's a mouse on the table!  SPEWWWW!
BRAIN: If you must know, I'm only doing this ..."waitering", as I
    prepare for the final stages of my plan for world conquest!
WAKKO: [excited] Ohhh, there's another one!  [pulls out a long bit of
    paper from his shirt, and checks off something]
YAKKO: [over Wakko's shoulder] Hey, what's that?
WAKKO: [putting the paper away] Oh it's just my "plot formula" scavenger
    hunt!  If I check them all off, I get a free drink at the commissary!
MR.D: [slamming his hand on the table, causing everyone to jump] Enough!
    [calmly, and indicating with his hand] Dinner is served.

[Everyone cautiously begins to eat (well, except Wakko, who gobbles his
meal).  For several minutes, the only noises are of the clink of
silverware and plates.  As we look around the table, we notice that
the Mime is only mime-eating his stuff.]

SNS: [between mouthful] Mmmm, zis is excellent! What is it?! [takes another
MR.D: Oh, just a recipe from the old country.  It's called 'Haggis'...

[Everyone suddenly freezes; Wakko is stuck with a mouthful of food.
Slowly, everyone drops their utensils.]

WAKKO: [with his mouth full, and a sick look] ...made from the heart,
    lungs, and liver of a sheep boiled in its own stomach...
YAKKO: [over Wakko's shoulder] Psst! Wakko! Wrong show!
WAKKO: Does it matter? [pulls up the Wacky Sack from under the table and
    proceeds to harf into it]

[cut to Dot, who has abandoned her meal...]

DOT: Well, I'm certain that we can toss etiquette out the door about now...

[Yakko walks behind her, carrying a prissy old lady on a chair]

YAKKO: Ok, you heard my sister, we've got to throw you out.  Nothing personal,
    you understand...
OLD LADY: Ohh, you're such a polite young man...

[As Yakko walks by, we pass the rest of the table, and see poor SnS shaking
his head, his hand over his face.  Soon, we hear the wailing of the lady as
Yakko tosses her out.]

SNS: Zo, why are you doing zis?! How did you make it? [indicates the mime]
MR.D: [calmly putting down his napkin] Why?  Well, that should be obvious.
    I *want* revenge.  How, well, that's a different matter.  I had no
    problem developing the shell of the mime.  They have no heart, they have
    no need to eat or drink, and they don't even breathe!  [walks up around
    the table to stand between the Mime (oblivious to all this) and Rita]
    But, I needed a brain.  Not a whole brain, not even a human brain!

[Rita suddenly realizes this, and she places one of her paws on the table,
claws extracted]

MR.D: [continuing] So, when I found this stray dog, what else was I to do,
    but take him in.  Oh, of course, I had to take Rita here [pets Rita's
    head, oblivious to her mood] in as well, but she made an *excellent*
    servant, once I offered her all the fish she could eat...

[Rita raises her claws and sinks it deep into the back of Mr.D's hand]

MR.D: HOIL!  Stop it, with the thing with the pointy claws...!

[Rita pulls Mr.D down into her face]

RITA: [slowly] What did you do with Runt?
MR.D: [scared] I used half of his brain and put it the mime!  Please let
    go! FREUN LAVEN!
RITA: [angry]  You monster! [releases her grip, and Mr. D pulls his arm
    away quickly] You have 3 seconds before I *really* hurt you...

[Mr.D takes a few steps back, then turns tail and flees the room.  Rita
follows hot on his tails]

YAKKO: Well, that was certainly interesting!
DOT: Hey, lets go follow them!  I wanna set that Director guy get it!
YAKKO: Sure thing! [the Warners get up and get ready to leave the table]
SNS: Where do you zink you're going?! We've got to get out of here!
DOT: Awww, come on, Scratchy!  You wanna miss the big fight scene?
SNS: Well, no...-

[The Warners grab SnS, and carry him out of the room.  The Mime follows,
miming walking in the wind.  Brain and Pinky remain at the table.]

PINKY: Egad, Br-, er, I mean Riff-Rat! This doesn't seem like part of
    your plan!
BRAIN: No, not really.  But events are still unfolding in our favor!
    [grips Pinky by the shoulders] Pink, are you pondering what I'm
PINKY: Wuh, I think so, Br-, er, Riff-Rat, but, what exactly *is* a
    Radio Picture?  Is that a movie for the blind?
BRAIN: [shakes Pinky quite hard] If your help wasn't essential for the
    completion of my plan, I would have to hurt you!
PINKY: Right-o!  I'll remember that! NARF!
BRAIN: Come, Pink, let us see how our [straining on the word] *mas*ter is

[As they walk off the table, dissolve to the foyer.  Begin cheesy chase
music.  Rita is chasing Mr.D around and around the outside of the room,
and then the chase goes up the stairs.  The Warners arrive, SnS still
on in their hands, and rush into the elevator, and hit the buttons to
make the elevator go up.

As the elevator gets to the next level, the Warners continually press
the buttons, trying to make the elevator go up faster; meanwhile,
Mr.D and Rita continue the chase.

Eventually, the elevator gets to the lab.  The Warners jump out, leaving
poor SnS a mess in the elevator car.  Mr.D ducks through the hole
that was made earlier in the lab wall and runs down one of the ramps.
Rita comes flying through the hole, but the floor is slippery, and ends
up falling over the edge of the balcony and into the tank (again!).
Cut to above the tank, with Rita sprawled out on the bottom of the

RITA: Owwww!  This is *really* not my day...
WAKKO: [sticking his head over the top of the tank] Hey! I thought cats
    always landed on their feet!
RITA: [angry, claws lifted inches from Wakko's face.] Don't push it!

[Cut back to the main view of the lab.  The Warners are gathered by
the tank, SnS is still struggling out of the elevator car, and Mr.D has
run towards the stage, his hand on the curtain pull.]

MR.D: [panting] Ha-HA!  I've got you all now!
YAKKO: Huh? Got us where?!
MR.D: No more jokes, kiddies!  The time for fun and games is over!
    Allow me to present [he pulls hard down on the rope, revealing a
    laser-like object on a rotary stand] the ElectroStunORameter!
WARNERS: The *what*?!
MR.D: The ElectroStunORameter!  [suddenly, lights and confetti and other
    such stuff appear.  Mr.D switches to more of announcer-type mode]
    It slices, it dices, it can cut through tin cans and still have
    enough power to cut tomatoes!  And it can be yours for only

[Cut to Yakko]

YAKKO: [indicating Mr.D ] Oh, great, now he's stealing *our* best lines!
DOT: Yes, but that would imply that we *had* best lines to begin with!
YAKKO: True, true...

[SnS walks into shot, a bit wobbly]

SNS: Kidddiez! Kiddiez! Don't annoy the man!  He'z *EVIL*!
WARNERS: [in SnS's face] No DUH!

[Cut back to Mr.D]

MR.D: Enough of this merriment!  My plans have finally succeeded!
    The studios will be *MINE*! BWA-HAHAHAHA!

[MR.D steps behind the lazer-thing, and takes aim at the Warners.  They
see that they are being targeted, and immediately jump out the of the way
as the cheesy ray hits poor Scratchy.  His eyes go wide, and his body
stiffens.  He then suddenly falls backwards onto the floor.  The Warners
rush back and examine the body closely.]

WAKKO: [almost Spock-like] He's dead, Yakko.  [raises one of SnS' hands,
    but it falls back to the floor]
YAKKO: No, no!  He's just resting!

[SnS moves a bit and struggles to get up]

SNS: I'm not dead!  I'm getting better!  I feel happy! I feel happy!
DOT: [whispering in SnS' ear] Psst! Wrong show!
SNS: [realizing his mistake] Oh! Zorry! [falls back to the ground]

[Cut back to Mr.D]

MR.D: And now that *he's* out of the way, let me take care of you kids...
    [aims and fires]

[The Warners flee and begin to rush rings about the lab, Mr.D missing
every time.  As their laps get faster and faster, the Warner blur from
their normal forms to drop targets in a shooting gallery, running along
the balcony; there are also ducks (that look like Plucky) and other
generic targets in this line.  The music varies into a carnival theme.
Mr.D continues to fire, hitting several of the other moving targets, but
missing the Warner targets.  Eventually the gun runs out of the power.]

MR.D: FRUEN LAVEN! It's out of power!
YAKKO: [appearing next to Mr. D, dressed as a carnival games operator.]
    Awww! Too bad, sonny!  Almost got them all that time?  How 'bout
    another round?
MR.D: Oh, fine.. [reaches into his pocket, then realizes the trick]
    Oooooh, no!  I'm not falling for that!

[Dot and Wakko appear from behind Yakko's back]

DOT: Oh, no!  He didn't fall for it, Yakko!  What are we going to do?!
WAKKO: I'm scared!
YAKKO: Hey, don't worry guys!  He can't hurt us with that Electro-do-
    hickey-whatchamacallit thingy!  It's out of power!
MR.D: Ah, but did I also mention that I also have [pulls out a small
    gun from his pocket] a hand-held version too!
YAKKO: @@@@@@h, that would be different...[to his sibs] RUN!

[Before they can turn tail and flee, Mr.D hits all three with the ray.
They also stiff and fall flat.]

[There is silence in the room.  Brain and Pinky (who've finally
arrived) stand motionless by the control panel.  Rita finally gets a claw
on the edge of the tank and climbs out, and then immediately stomps over
to Mr.D, claws extended.]

RITA: Listen here, mister!  I'm been treated worse in this one episode
    alone than ever before!  I'm sick of this outfit [finally tears it
    off], I'm sick of this show, and mostly, [using her claws to
    climb up his body (but not to the point of hurting him).  She gets
    right in front of his face and grabs his collar] *I'm sick of you!*
    Now, just give me back Runt, and we'll just be leaving this
MR.D: Ah, I'm afraid that's not possible.  You see, Runt's, er...sorta
    held up for the moment...

[Zip pan to inside the freezer.  Poor Runt is frozen in a block of ice]

RUNT: Oh, it-t-t-t's-s-s c-c-c-cold.  D-d-d-definitely c-c-c-cold.

[Zip pan back out]

RITA: [angry, pulls one arm back, claws fully extended, and getting ready
    to swipe Mr.D across the face] Why you....!

[Mr.D, although somewhat scared, pulls the gun up and shoots Rita with it.
She repeats the same look as the others, and then slowly topples off
Mr.D's chest.  From the floor...]

RITA: I certainly hopes this doesn't count towards my 9 lives...
    [falls unconscious]

[Mr.D looks around, at all the prone bodies.  Pinky looks bemused, Brain
looks irritated, and the Mime is miming driving a car.  Mr.D takes one look,
and fires the ray at the Mime, who continues to mime for a moment, then
suddenly goes into the stun behavior as the others, and falls backwards]

MR.D: [to audience] You can only take so much at a time...

[Brain *ahem*s to attract Mr.D's attention]

BRAIN: Ok, fine, you've stunned them all.  Are you happy?
MR.D: Oh, quite.  It gives me such a deep, er, 'squishy' feeling inside.
PINKY: I know *just* what you mean!  POIT!
BRAIN: [to Pinky] Pink, be *quiet*!  [back to Mr.D] Now, what are you
    going to do with them, now that you have them?
MR.D: Well, I was...[pauses in thought] You know, I don't know what I want
    them for.
BRAIN: Well, certainly, you'll want to show off your power to them.  Maybe
    a demonstration of how [almost choking on this phrase] Mime will be
    used to take over the world...
PINKY: NARF! You could even make a big show out of it!
BRAIN: [to Pinky, grabbing his nose] Quiet, Pinky!
MR.D: That's it!  I'll put on a floor show!  That'll show them!  I *am*
    a director, after all!  [back to the mice]  Thank you, Riff-Rat!
    That is a stupendous idea!  I'll go get these [indicated the prone
    bodies] guests set up, and you can get the stage ready!  [Mr.D
    walks out of scene]
BRAIN: Excellent suggestion, Pink!  While he's distracted with his
    farcical amusement, we shall make the final adjustments to this house
    to prepare it for [Evil Grin(TM)] taking over the world!
PINKY: But, Br-, er, Riff-Rat, I didn't mean it th-
BRAIN: No matter, Pink.  Come, we must hurry.  The night is no longer young.
PINKY: Wuh, gee, Riff-Rat, how old is she then? [Brain *FWAPS* Pinky] ZORT!

[Cut back to Slappy in her 'den'.  The glow from a TV is seen off to one
side, and Slappy is resting in a chair, remote in hand, watching intently.
Suddenly, from off screen, there is a loud "PSSSST!", and Slappy
finally notices]

SLAPPY: Oh, fine, not this again...[under breath] Raz-a-frazing bit parts...
    [she searches her desk for a paper, and finally finds it, then wears
    her glasses to read it, all while still lounging in the chair]
    "And so fate had it's way, and blah-blah-blah..." [scans the page]
    Sheesh, this is worse than 'Bonkers!'...[scans some more] .. "blah
    blah, and what about the floor show?" There ya go!  [slams the paper
    back down onto the desk]  Now let me get back to Oprah ...
    [to camera] Transsexual Nazi Eskimos!  This ought to be good!

[Cut to the main dance room from before.  Most of the tables and furniture
has been removed to make room in the center for rows and rows of folding
lawn chairs, empty of course.  The lights have been dimmed, with spotlights
on the stage.  The curtains are closed.  Suddenly, a tinny piano tune starts
up, and the curtain opens to reveal 6 figures on stage, who, from the
silhouettes, are the Warners, SnS, Rita, and the Mime.  As the lights come up
on stage, we see that all are now dressed as the Mime; a thick red/white
striped long-sleeved shirt and black pants, along with white face makeup.
All 6 are unmoving.   Mr.D walks in front of the stage, now dressed as his
director persona, and looks down at a clipboard.  He nods he head, and then
pulls out the small gun, and fires it at all 6.

The Mime immediately recovers, hears the music, the music of his calling,
and immediately begins to mime as he has never mimed before.  The others
shake there heads, trying to recover.

The Warners, standing near each other, look at one another, points fingers,
and scream ("AIE!"). They then look down at themselves, see that they are
dressed as mimes, and scream even louder! ("AIEEEEE!")]

DOT: AIE! My beautician said I should avoid horizontal stripes!  Oh, I hope
    no one sees me like this!
WAKKO: Forget about you, look at me!  I'm wearing *pants*!
YAKKO: Someone will pay for this, sibs.  Oh yes, someone will pay!
MR.D: QUIET! Mimes aren't supposed to talk!  Just mime!
YAKKO: Oh yeah?! And what are you going to do if we don't mime?!

[Mr.D responses by shoot Yakko with the gun once again.  Yakko stiffs
for a bit, his hair on end, then falls back to a weakened stance.
He groans for a bit]

YAKKO: Good point....Sibs, better do as he says...

[The Warners shrug, and begin miming various actions, almost having to
overextend themselves to pull it out of them.  SnS and Rita quickly
begin to mime as well, as they see what happened to Yakko.]

MR.D: Excellent!  EXCELLENT!  Now you...yes, you with the striped
    shirt!  Show me more *feeling*!

[As they mime, the Warners move closer to where SnS and Rita are miming]

YAKKO: [very quietly] Psst!  Scratchy!
SNS: [also quietly] Yakko! What are we going to do!?
YAKKO: Don't worry, we've got a plan!  Just follow my lead!
SNS: [confused] Follow your lead..?
YAKKO: [out loud] Ok, I'll lead!  [grabs SnS' hands and sets up in
    a tango step] Everybody, TANGO! [the music quickly switches to
    a tango beat.  Wakko grabs Rita, and Dot grabs the Mime
    ("Speeewwww!") and everybody begins to dance on stage]
MR.D: NO NO NO! Freun Laven!  Mimes do not tango!
DOT: Ok! How about the Charleston!  [again, the music changes appropriately,
    and the dance pairings begin to dance appropriately]
WAKKO: Well, then, how about a polka? Dot?
DOT: Ohhhh, no, we've had enough of *that* joke for a while!
YAKKO: I know, let's do the foxtrot!

[Yakko rushes over to the curtain pull ropes, and yanks on it.  The
back curtain opens, revealing the FOX logo, big as life, behind the

WAKKO: Speeew! That brings back sooooo many bad memories.
YAKKO: [putting his arm around Wakko] Oh, come on, Wakko.  The FOX
    network has done tons for us!
WAKKO: Like what?
YAKKO: Well, there', maybe not. Forget I brought it

[Meanwhile, Mr.D has climbed on stage, and is running towards Yakko.]

MR.D: HOIL! Stop it, with the silly puns!

[As he nears, Yakko and Wakko step aside, and Mr.D runs a few feet past them.
Dot walks in and looks down, under Mr.D's feet.]

DOT: Hey, cool!  Did you know he has a pool back here?!

[Mr.D falls into the pool with a big splash.  SNS runs up to the
Warners while Mr.D flails around in the pool.]

SNS: Let'z go, kiddiez, before he can get out!
WAKKO: Oh, no!  We're not leaving yet!  We've just gotten started!
SNS: What?! You muzt be inzane!
DOT: Well, DUH!
YAKKO: Look here!  Pip gave us $5 to do serious bodily harm to Mister
    Psycho guy over there, and we're going to give him all $5 of it!
SNS: [slapping his hand on his face] GEESH!
DOT: [to Mr.D in the pool] Hey, it looks like you could use a friend in there!
WAKKO: Yeah, I've got the perfect swimming buddy!

[Wakko withdraws his sack, and reaches in, eventually pulling out a large
mechanical shark.]

MR.D: [seeing the shark] Oh no!

[Wakko tosses the shark into the water.  There is a large commotion
from the pool.  Every so often, we see the fin of the shark or Mr.D's
hand reach out from the water.  Rita and SnS approach and watch the

MR.D: [between fleeing]  HELP! Someone throw me a lifesaver!
YAKKO: Wellll, ok! [reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small roll of
    candy and tosses it into pool] You can have the whole roll even!
    But I don't see how that will help ...
MR.D: HOIL! [disappears back under the waves]

[After a bit more splashing around, Mr.D finally leaps out of the pool,
and runs away, but not before the shark can snap some fabric from his pants.
He collapses on the front of the stage, and groggily tries to recover.
The Warners, Rita and SnS quickly come over.]

WAKKO: And who said shark wrestling couldn't be a professional sport!
YAKKO: [putting an arm around Dot and Wakko] Come sibs, our job here is done...
    [switching to a patriotic mood] For today, we have conquered a great
    evil!  An evil that could rule the world! The universe even!
DOT: [annoyed] Enough with the speeches, Yakko.  Get to the point!
YAKKO: Oh, sorry!  We've won!  But, you know, for some reason, I think
    I'm forgetting something...-
WAKKO: [suggesting] Two somethings.
YAKKO: Yes, two somethings...they only must be small things, for I would
    be able to remember them....

[There is an awkward pause]

YAKKO: [clearing his throat, and a bit louder] ...for I would be able to
    remember them...

[From off screen]

BRAIN: NO! I refuse to!
CHARLTON: You *signed* the contact! There's no backing out now!
BRAIN: Fine!  Just wait till my lawyer hears this!
PINKY: But Brain, you look so trendy! NARF!
BRAIN: Quiet Pinky! [we heard a FWAP]
PINKY: ZORT! Sorry, Brain...

[Cut to the double doors of this room.  They suddenly slam open, and standing
in them is Pinky and the Brain, both now dressed is very silly silver outfits
(waist up only), both holding trident-like objects in their hands.]

BRAIN: [annoyed] STOP!  Stop this frivolity at once!
PINKY: Yes, um, stop, or we'll have to, um, shoot!  POIT!

[Cut back to the Warners and the rest (except for the Mime).  This is an
awkward pause, then Yakko smirks.  This quickly grows, and soon, all the
characters are laughing on the floor.  Brain and Pinky walk up to the
group, Brain extremely annoyed]

BRAIN: Ok, ok, I know I look silly, but it's not like this is my choice!
WAKKO: Hmm, for some reason, I feel like some Jiffy-Pop popcorn.

[This starts another roar of laughter.  Brain aims the trident up to the
ceiling and fires a cheesy beam.  There is a *CRACK*, and a bit of plaster
falls down and lands on the group.]

BRAIN: Good, I see that I have your attention.  Well, I must thank you
    for taking care of our [sarcastically] *mas*ter here.  We have no
    further need for him.
MR.D: What?! What do you mean?!
BRAIN: What I mean, *mas*ter, is that my associate and I were only using
    you in our quest for global domination.  For you see, while you
    have tinkered with your silly "mime domination plot", which is an
    obviously failure, I must say, I have converted this house to a
    state of the art flying fortress, equipped with more firepower than
    the rest of the world combined!

[Dramatic chords; the rest of the group gasps. (well, except for the Mime)]

MR.D: No....
BRAIN: YE-ES!  Within the hour, we will take off, and force control of
    the world by superior fire power!
PINKY: And then, we'll have tea and biscuits! NARF!

[Brain takes the base of the trident and bops Pinky on the head with it]

SNS: [curious, and pointing to Brain's weapon] Iz..iz zat a lazer?!
BRAIN: [surprised to see an intelligent question from this crowd] Actually,
    no, it is a tazer, a weapon capable of emitting a beam of pure

[Yakko pops up over by Brain, a dictionary in hand]

YAKKO: Actually, Brainy-boy, you've just defined a laser...[pointing to
    the appropriate entry]
BRAIN: [a bit dejected] Oh, I guess you're right.  So sorry.
    [back to evil, and aiming it at Mr.D] But I shall destroy you with
    it anyway!
MR.D: HOIL!  Stop it, with the pointing and the laser thing!
BRAIN: Any last words, *mas*ter?
MR.D: Yes, one... MIME!

[The Mime suddenly stops miming, and he looks up to see Mr.D in trouble.
He races over, accidentally stepping on the mice in the process ("ZORT!")
He picks up Mr.D, and mouths a roar.  He walks around the pool and begins
to climb the 'O' of the FOX logo (using a hidden ladder)]

WAKKO: You know, this reminds me of something, but I can't place my
    finger on it.
DOT: Think about it, will you?

[The Mime reaches the top of the 'O', and silently roars again.  Brain has
recovered, and takes aim with the laser.  The beam hits the Mime, and
bounces off his back.  Brain looks annoyed, adjusts something on the
weapon, and fires again.  The beams hit the Mime, and he finally stiffens,
his eyes wide.  He hangs off the ladder, Mr.D trapped in his arms.  The
weight begins to cause the 'O' to fall forward, and, accompanied by the
sound of a diving plane, 'O', Mr.D, and Mime all fall into the pool (with a
big splash!).  The rest of the group run over to the pool and look in]

DOT: There're gone!
SNS: Where'd did they go?!
BRAIN: Hmmmm, there must have been a plot hole at the bottom of the pool.
    He must have planned that from the start.
WAKKO: You mean...
YAKKO: [interrupting] A SEQUEL!
SNS: Aggggh! NO!

[Cut to a title card that reads "The Rocky Warner Picture Show II:
The Quickening", with appropritate graphics.  Brain suddenly appears and
pushes the title card away, revealing the same set as before]

BRAIN: I think you have worn out your welcome.  You'd all better leave
    before we take off.
RITA: What about Runt?!  He's not going with you on any of your crazy
BRAIN: Don't worry, I've deposited him nearby...

[Zip pan to Runt in the middle of the forest, defrosted]

RUNT: [eyes wide] Ohhhhh, this is heaven!  Definitely, definitely heaven!

[He goes sniffing off. Zip pan to the front of the house, which is shaking
rapidly.  The Warners, SNS, and Rita run out of the house as it begins to
leave the ground.]

[Cut back inside the house.  Pinky and the Brain are at a set of controls
in the main dance room.  Brain is actively monitoring the controls.  The house
is on a slight tilt]

PINKY: Ohhhh, NARF! This is fun, Brain!  Flying so high in the air!
BRAIN: Yes, Pinky, there is a bit of an adrenalin rush for this mode of
    transportation.  Now, Pinky, did you check everything that I said
    for you to check?!
PINKY: Ohhhh, of course, Brain! POIT! I would never forget anything like
BRAIN: You checked the levels on the thermostatic accelerator?
PINKY: Check!
BRAIN: And the stability of the electroconductive magnifier?
PINKY: Check!
BRAIN: *AND* the insulation on the osmotic inducer?
PINKY: Check again, Brain!  I did everything on that list! POIT!
BRAIN: Excellent, Pinky! We shall not fail in this attempt of world domination!

[Suddenly, the house seems to sputter and there is a slight jolt.  Brain
looks down at a control, and his face falls flat.  The house begins to turn
over on its side]

BRAIN: Pinky, did you do *everything* I asked you to?
PINKY: NARF! Of course, Brain!
BRAIN: *Including* checking the fuel levels?
PINKY: Oh..wait, no.  I forgot to check those.  Is that bad?
BRAIN: [sighs heavily] It means, Pinky, that we will crash back to the Earth
    in less than two minutes.
PINKY: [thoughtful] So, um, I guess that means we don't have time to do the
    Mindwarp again, right?
BRAIN: Yes, Pinky. We will *definitely* not have time for that.

[Cut back as the group watches the house fly out of sight, a trail of smoke
in its path. As it disappears, Rita loses interest.]

RITA: [to audience] You know, folks, it's days like today that I just shoulda
    stayed in bed. [she turns and walks around]  Runnnnt? Oh, RUUUUNT!

[Rita disappears off screen]

YAKKO: [putting his arms around Dot and Wakko] Well, sibs, I think we've
    learned an important lesson today!
DOT: Never to put a Q-Tip all the way in your ear?!
WAKKO: To always wait a half hour after eating before going swimming?
YAKKO: No, not those.  For that, we'll turn to the Wheel of Morality

[The Wheel rolls out from somewhere]

YAKKO: Wheel of Morality, Turn, turn, t-

[SnS grabs the wheel and Yakko]

SNS: Oh, no! No more of your zilliness tonight!  We're going back to ze
    car and going back to the ztudio!
WARNERS: Awwwwwww! [give *BIG* puppy dog eyes-look to Scratchy]
SNS: Oh....[pauses, then gives in] Fine, do your zilly little wheel thing.
YAKKO: Thank you *soooo* much.  As I was saying...."Wheel of Morality, Turn,
    turn, turn.  Tell us the lesson that we should learn."  And today's
    moral is...[wheel lands on #4, the printer prints out a sheet, which
    Yakko grabs] A Mime is a terrible thing to waste.
DOT: How true!
WAKKO: Couldn't say it better myself!
SNS: Ok, ok, fine!  Back to the car you kiddiez!
YAKKO: Oh, fine...

[The Warners begin to walk off.  Yakko suddenly whispers to his sibs...]

YAKKO: Hey, wasn't there *another* castle up the road?
DOT and WAKKO: Yeah!!!
WAKKO: Last one there is a Democrat!

[The Warners race off screen.  SnS looks confused, then angry]


[He runs off, as a minor key version of the opening theme starts up again.

[Dissolve to Slappy, fallen asleep in her chair, a hardbound book on her
face. There is a soft whistle from somewhere, then a loud *crash*, jolting
Slappy from her sleep.]

SLAPPY: Who??-wha?-where?  Oh, not again!  Would ya just leave me alone?!
    [pauses as she gets instructions from off screen] Oh, fine, if it
    *is* the last scene.  [She grabs a paper from the desk] Ok,
    [coughs a bit]..."And on the planet's face, there lived an animal
    called the toonster race, lost in time and lost in space, and meaning."
    [pause] WHAT IN SAM HILL IS THIS DRIVEL?!  That's it, no more cameo
    work for me!

[She takes the paper, and rolls it up, and walks off the office set to
where Charlton is sitting.]

SLAPPY: *Here's* what I think about your bit parts!  [She sticks the rolled
    up paper in his mouth, and walks away]

[Charlton grabs the paper from his mouth, only to find out that the one
end contains a lit stick of dynamite.]

CHARLTON: Oh, no, not ag-

[There is a loud explosion, and we see Charlton go flying.  Cut back to

SLAPPY: Now *that's* comedy!

[Slappy leaves the room, and turns off the lights, leaving the globe that
is sitting on the desk lit. As the credits begin to roll, we have a
reprise of the the opening song's chorus...]

Metal anvils, wooden mallets,
Wacky sacks, exploding wallets,
Sixteen tons weights, dynamite in pants,
Rubber chickens and man-eating plants.
Oh oh oh oooooh o-o-ohhh...
At the back lot, of Warner Brothers' Picture Shows

[As the rest of the credits roll, we go back to the Mindwarp theme,
and play out to end.]


This document (C) 1996 Michael K. Neylon. All Rights Reserved.

Warner Brothers, Animaniacs, and all related characters are
copyright and trademark Warner Brothers. The use of these characters
in this document is not meant for profit or to infringe upon that
copyright, but only for editoral and entertainment purposes. The
use of these characters fall under the Fair-Use agreement. If
there is a problem with this, please contact the auther to make
further arrangements.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is copyright 20th Century Fox.
Again, its use falls in the same as the above.

'Lord Zed' and 'Rita R' are copyright Saban Entertainment.
Again, their use falls in the same as the above.

The FOX logo is copyrighted and trademarked Fox Entertainment.
Again, its use falls in the same as the above.

You may copy and distributed this file on any medium as long as
no money is charged for this file itself (only for the cost of production),
and that this document remains intact, including this copyright message.