The Clocky Horror Picture Show

I just took your RHPS script (with no call backs) off your page and ran a
program called "nadsat" on it.  This program translates all the words from
our language into the slang used by Alex and his droogs from the movie "A
Clockwork Orange", another hit cult film.  Although the results are
sometimes suttle, they are also quite hilarious.  You can put it on your
page if you want, but I would like some credit.  I'm Louie Pearlman, known
as "Plan9" on the ng.


                      Science Fiction/Double Feature

Usherette: Michael Rennie was ill
           The Day the Earth Stood Still
           But he told us where we stand.
           And Flash Gordon was there
           In silver underwear,
           Claude Rains was the Invisible Moodge.
           Then something went wrong
           For Fay Wray and King Kong;
           They got loveted in a celluloid jammiwam.
           Then at a deadly pace
           It Came From... Outer Space.
           And this is how the message ran:

Chorus:    Science fiction, double feature
           Doctor X will build a creature.
           See androids dratsing Brad and Janet
           Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
           Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh
           At the late nochy, double feature, picture show.

Usherette: I knew Leo G. Carrol
           Was over a barrel
           When Tarantula took to the hills.
           And I really got hot
           When I saw Jeanette Scott
           Drat a triffid that spits poison and oobivatties.
           Dana Andrews skazzed Prunes
           Gave him the runes
           And passing them used lots of skills.
           But When Worlds Collide,
           Skazzed George Powell to his bride,
           "I'm gonna give you some oozhassny thrills,"
           Like a...

Chorus:    Science fiction, double feature
           Doctor X will build a creature.
           See androids dratsing Brad and Janet
           Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet
           Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh
           At the late nochy, double feature, picture show.

           I wanna itty
           Oh Oh Oh
           To the late nochy double feature picture show,
           By Rko,
           Oh Oh Oh
           To the late nochy double feature picture show,
           In the back row,
           Oh Oh Oh
           To the late nochy, double feature, picture show!

Dentonian: Here they come!

Photographer: Let's get a picture.  Close together now.  The folks and then the grandparents.  Yes,
           all the close family.  Ahhh, hold that.  Beautiful.  And... smile!  Congratulations!

Ralph:     I guess we finally did it, huh.

Brad:      I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have been almost inseparable
           since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher courses.

Ralph:     Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that's the only reason I showed up in the first mesto.
Betty:     O.K. you vecks, this is it.

Ralph:     Well Betty's ittying to brosay the bouquet.

Janet:     I got it!  I got it!

Ralph:     Hey bolshy fella, viddies like it could be your turn next, eh?

Brad:      Who knows.

Ralph:     Well, so long, see you Brad. Guess we better get ittying now Betty.  Come on, hop in.  See
           ya, Brad!

Janet:     Oh Brad, wasn't it choodessny?  Didn't Betty viddy radiantly beautiful?  I can't believe
           it. An hour ago she was just plain old Betty Munroe and now... now she's Mrs. Ralph
           Hapschatt.

Brad:      Yes Janet, Ralph's a lucky veck.

Janet:     Yes.

Dentonian: I always horn at weddings.

Brad:      Uh, everyone knows that Betty is a choodessny malenky cook.

Janet:     Yes.

Brad:      Why Ralph himself, he'll be in line for a promotion in a year or dva.
Janet:     Yes.

Brad:      Hey Janet.

Janet:     Yes Brad?

Brad:      I've got something to skazat.

Janet:     Uh huh.

Brad:      I really love the... skilful way... you beat the other devotchkas... to the bride's bouquet.

Janet:     Oh Brad.

Brad:      The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)
           The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)
           So please, don't tell me to can it. (Janet)
           I've odin veshch to skazat and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.

           The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)
           There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)
           If there's odin nazz for you then I am it. (Janet)
           I've odin veshch to skazat and that's Dammit, Janet I love you.

           Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.
           There's tree ways that love can grow.
           That's horrorshow, baddiwad, or mediocre.
           Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so.

Janet:     Oh, it's nicer than Betty Munroe had. (Oh Brad)
           Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad)
           That you met Mom and you know Pee. (Oh Brad)
           I've odin veshch to skazat and that's Brad, I'm bezoomny, for you too.

           Oh Brad...

Brad:      Oh... dammit!

Janet:     I'm bezoomny...

Brad:      Oh, Janet.

Janet:     For you.

Brad:      I love you too.

Brad & Janet: There's odin veshch ookadetted to do - ah - oo.

Brad:      And that's itty see the moodge who began it. (Janet)
           When we met in his science exam - it (Janet)
           Made me give you the glazz and then panic. (Janet)
           Now I've odin veshch to skazat and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you.
           Dammit, Janet.

Janet:     Oh Brad, I'm bezoomny.

Brad:      Dammit, Janet.

Brad & Janet: I love you.

Narrator:  I would like, ah, if I may, ...to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly
           ordinary nochy when Brad Majors and his fiancee Janet Weiss, dva molodoy, ordinary, healthy
           kids, ookadetted Denton that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, ex-tutor, and
           now droog to both of them.  It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and
           pendulous, towards which they were yeckating.  It's true, also, that the spare tire they
           were carrying was badly in need of some air, but, uh, they being normal kids and, on a
           nochy nochy out... well, they were not ittying to let a storm spoil the events of their
           evening, were they?...  On a nochy out... it was a nochy out they were ittying to
           remember... for a very long raz.

Janet:     Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us.  They sure do take their jeeznies in
           their rooks, what with like the weather and all.

Brad:      Yes, jeezny's pretty cheap to that type.

Janet:     Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling?

Brad:      Hmmm.. we must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

Janet:     Oh, but where did that motorcyclist come from?

Brad:      Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.

Janet:     Oh! What was that bang?

Brad:      We must have a blowout.  Dammit!  I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed.
           Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll itty for help.

Janet:     But where will you itty in the middle of nowhere?

Brad:      Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?  Maybe they have a telephone I
           could use.

Janet:     I'm ittying with like you.

Brad:      Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.

Janet:     I'm coming with like you!  Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful cheena,
           and you might never come back again.

Brad:      Heh, heh, heh, heh.


                      Over At The Frankenstein Mesto

Janet:     In the velvet darkness,
           Of the blackest nochy,
           Burning bright, there's a guiding star.
           No matter what or who you are.

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:    Over at the Frankenstein mesto.

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:    Burning in the fireplace...

Brad & Janet: There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's jeezny.


Riff Raff: The darkness must itty down the river of nochy's sneeting.
           Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming
           Into my jeezny.  Into my jeezny...

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:    Over at the Frankenstein mesto.

Brad & Janet: There's a light...

Chorus:    Burning in the fireplace.
           There's a light, a light

Brad & Janet: ...in the darkness of everybody's jeezny.

Brad:      I can see the flag fly
           I can see the rain
           Just the same, there has got to be
           Something better here for you and me.

Narrator:  And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the
           assistance that their plight required.  ...Or had they?

Janet:     Brad, let's itty back, I'm cold and I'm poogly...

Brad:      Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone.

Riff Raff: Hello.

Brad:      Hi! My eemya is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss.  I wonder if you could
           help us.  You see, our car cracked down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we
           might use?

Riff Raff: You're wet.

Janet:     Yes - it's raining.

Brad:      Yes.

Riff Raff: Yes... I think perhaps you better both come inside.

Janet:     You're too kind.  Oh Brad, I'm poogly.  What kind of a mesto is this?

Brad:      Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for bugatty weirdos.

Janet:     Oh.

Riff Raff: This way.
Janet:     Are you having a party?

Riff Raff: You've arrived on a rather special nochy.  It's odin of the master's affairs.

Janet:     Oh, lucky him.

Magenta:   You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha...


                               The Raz Warp

Riff Raff: It's astounding;
           Raz is fleeting;
           Madness takes its toll.
           But sloosh closely...

Magenta:   Not for very much longer.

Riff Raff: I've got to keep control.
           I remember doing the raz-warp
           Peeting those moments when
           The blackness would tolchock me

Riff & Magenta: And a void would be calling...

Transylvanians: Let's do the raz-warp again.
                Let's do the raz-warp again.

Narrator:  It's just a jump to the ookadetted.

All:       And then a step to the right.

Narrator:  With like your rooks on your hips.

All:       You bring your knees in tight.
           But it's the pelvic thrust
           That really yeckates you bezoomny.

           Let's do the raz-warp again.
           Let's do the raz-warp again.

Magenta:   It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.
           So you can't see me, no, not at all.
           In another dimension, with like voyeuristic intention,
           Well secluded, I see all.

Riff Raff: With like a bit of a rassoodock flip

Magenta:   You're into the raz slip.

Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same.

Magenta:   You're spaced out on sensation.

Riff Raff: Like you're under sedation.

All:       Let's do the raz-warp again.
           Let's do the raz-warp again.

Columbia:  Well I was gooling down the street just a-having a think
           When this snake of a veck gave me an evil wink.
           He shook me up, he took me by surprise
           He had a pickup truck, and the devil's glazzies.
           He stared at me and I felt a change.
           Raz meant nothing, never would again.

All:       Let's do the raz-warp again.
           Let's do the raz-warp again.

Narrator:  It's just a jump to the ookadetted!

All:       And then a step to the right.
Narrator:  With like your rooks on your hips....

All:       You bring your knees in tight.
           But it's the pelvic thrust
           That really yeckates you bezoomny.

           Let's do the raz-warp again.
           Let's do the raz-warp again.

All:       Let's do the raz-warp again.
           Let's do the raz-warp again.

Narrator:  It's just a jump to the ookadetted!!

All:       And then a step to the right.

Narrator:  With like your rooks on your hips!...

All:       You bring your knees in tight.
           But it's the pelvic thrust
           that really yeckates you bezoomny.

           Let's do the raz-warp again.
           Let's do the raz-warp again.

Janet:     Brad, skazat something.

Brad:      Skazat, do any of you vecks know how to Madison?

Janet:     Brad, please, let's get out of here.

Brad:      For Bog's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.

Janet:     But it... it seems so unhealthy here.

Brad:      It's just a party, Janet.

Janet:     Well - I want to itty.

Brad:      Well we can't itty anywhere until I get to a phone.

Janet:     Well then ask the butler or someone.

Brad:      Just a moment, Janet - we don't want to interfere with like their celebration.

Janet:     This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.

Brad:      They're probably foreigners with like ways different than our own.  They may do some more...
           folk dancing.

Janet:     Viddy, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared!

Brad:      I'm here - there's nothing to worry about.

                            Sladky Transvestite

Frank:     How do you do, I
           See you've met my
           Faithful handyman.

           He's just a malenky brought down
           Because when you clopped
           He thought you were the candyman.

           Don't get strung out by the way I viddy.
           Don't judge a book by its cover.
           I'm not much of a moodge by the light of day
           But by nochy I'm odin hell of a lover.

           I'm just a sladky transvestite
           From Transsexual, Transylvania.

           Let me show you around
           Maybe filly you a zvook.
           You viddy like you're both pretty groovy.
           Or if you want something visual
           That's not too abysmal,
           We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

Brad:      I'm glad we loveted you at home,
           Could we use your phone?
           We're both in a bit of a hurry.

Janet:     Right.

Brad:      We'll just skazat where we are,
           Then itty back to the car.
           We don't want to be any worry.

Frank:     Well you got loveted with like a domy, well, how 'bout that?
           Well, babies, don't you panic.
           By the light of the nochy it'll all seem alright.
           I'll get you a satanic mechanic.

           I'm just a sladky transvestite
           From Transsexual, Transylvania.

           Why don't you stay for the nochy?

Riff Raff: Nochy.

Frank:     Or maybe a bite?

Columbia:  Bite.

Frank:     I could show you my favourite obsession.
           I've been making a moodge
           With like blond luscious glory and a tan
           And he's horrorshow for relieving my......tension

           I'm just a sladky transvestite
           From Transsexual, Transylvania.
           Tolchock It, Tolchock It!
           I'm just a sladky transvestite

Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sladky transvestite

Frank:     From Transsexual,

Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.

Frank:     So - come up to the lab,
           And see what's on the slab.
           I see you shiver with like antici --- pation.
           But maybe the rain
           Isn't really to blame.
           So I'll remove the cause.
           But not the symptom.

Janet:     Oh!  Brad!

Brad:      It's all right Janet.  We'll filly along for now and pull out the aces when the raz is
           right.

Columbia:  Oh, slowly, slowly!  It's too nice a job to rush.

Brad:      Hi, my eemya is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss; ah.. you are...?

Columbia:  You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory.  Some lewdies would give their
           right arm for the privilege.

Brad:      Lewdies like you maybe.

Columbia:  Ha! I've seen it.
Riff Raff: Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting.

Magenta:   Shift it!

Janet:     Is he, um, Frank I mean - is he your husband?

Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be.  We are simply his
           servants.

Janet:     Oh.

Frank:     Magenta, Columbia - itty assist Riff Raff.  I will entertain ...uh huh huh...

Brad:      Brad Majors.  This is my fiancee, Janet "Vice".

Janet:     Weiss.

Brad:      Weiss?  Um.

Frank:     Enchante.

Frank:     Well!  How nice.  And what charming underclothes you both have.  But here.  Put these on.
           They'll make you feel less... vulnerable.  It's not often we receive visitors
           here, let alone offer them... hospitality.

Brad:      Hospitality!?  All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, Goddammit, a reasonable
           request which you've chosen to ignore!

Janet:     Brad, don't be ungrateful.

Brad:      Ungrateful!

Frank:     How forceful you are, Brad.  Such a perfect specimen of manhood.  So... dominant.  You
           must be awfully proud of him, Janet.

Janet:     Well, yes I am.

Frank:     Do you have any tattoos, Brad?

Brad:      Certainly not!

Frank:     Oh well,.. how about you?

Janet:     No.

Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master.  We merely await your... slovo.

Frank:     This nochy, my unconventional conventionists... you are about to witness a new breakthrough
           in biochemical research... and paradise is to be mine!  It was strange the way it
           happened... suddenly you get a cluve... whole lomticks seem to fit into mesto, not a sign
           of being.. what a nazz!  The answer was there all the raz, it took a malenky accident to
           make it sloochat... An Accident...

Magenta & Columbia: An accident!

Frank:     ..and that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, that Spark that is the
           breath of jeezny...  Yes, I have that knowledge... I hold the secret... to jeezny... itself!
           You see, you are fortunate for this nochy is the nochy that my beautiful creature is
           destined to be Born!  Up now! ...brosay open the switches on the sonic oscillator... and
           step the reactor power input Tree More Points!

Janet:     Oh, Brad!




Brad:      It's all right, Janet!

Frank:     Oh! Rocky!

                           The Sword Of Damocles

Rocky:     The sword of Damocles is hanging over my gulliver,
           And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread.

Frank:     You Idiot!!

Rocky:     Oh, woe is me, my jeezny is a misery.
           Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty bolshy downer.

           I woke up this morning with like a start when I fell out of bed.

All:       That ain't no crime.

Rocky:     And ookadetted from my sneeting was a feeling of unnameable dread.

All:       That ain't no crime.

Rocky:     My high is low, I'm dressed up with like no mesto to itty.
           And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty bolshy downer.

Frank:     Oh, Rocky!

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh ho no no

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh ho no no

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh ho no no

Rocky:     The sword of Damocles is hanging over my gulliver.

Frank:     Well, really!

All:       That ain't no crime.

Rocky:     And I've got the feeling someone's ittying to be cutting the thread.

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh, woe is me, my jeezny is a mystery
           And, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty bolshy downer

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh no no no.

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.

Rocky:     Oh no no no.

All:       Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
           Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
           sha-la-la.

Frank:     Well really.  That's no way to behave on your first day out.

Rocky:     Ugh  Ugh

Frank:     But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to forgive you.

Rocky:     Ugh  Ugh

Frank:     Oh, I just love success.

Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, master.

Frank:     Yes.

Magenta:   A triumph of your will.

Frank:     Yes.
Columbia:  He's O.K.

Frank:     O.K.?  O.K.?!?  I think we can do better than that.  Humph!  Well, Brad and Janet, what
           do you think of him?

Janet:     Well, I don't like moodges with like too many muscles.

Frank:     I didn't make him For You!  He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.


                       I Can Make You A Moodge (part I)

Frank:     A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds
           Will get sand in his litso
           When kicked to the ground;
           And soon in the gym with like a determined chin,
           The sweat from his pores as he rabbits for his cause
           Will make him glisten ...and gleam.
           And with like massage, and just a malenky bit of steam,
           He'll be pink and quite clean
           He'll be a strong moodge.  Oh honey...

Frank & Transylvanians:  But the wrong moodge.

Frank:     He'll eat nutritious high protein.  And swallow raw eggiwegs...
           Try to build up his pletchoes, his chest, arms, and... legs.
           Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
           In just seven days...

Frank & Transylvanians:  I can make you a moodge.

Frank:     He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.
           He thinks dynamic tension must be hard rabbit.
           Such strenuous living I just don't pony,
           When in just seven days, oh baby, ...I can make you a moodge.

Columbia:  Eddie!

                       Hot Patootie (Bless My Soul)


Eddie:     Whatever happened to Saturday nochy,
           When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?
           It don't seem the same since cosmic light
           Came into my jeezny, I thought I was divine.
           I used to itty for a ride with like a chick who'd itty,
           And sloosh to the music on the radio;
           A saxophone was blowin' in a rock 'n roll show.
           You climbed in the back seat, you really had a horrorshow raz.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

           My gulliver used to swim from the von I smelled.
           My rooks kind of fumbled with like her white plastic belt.
           I'd taste her baby pink goober-muck and that's when I'd melt
           And she'd whisper in my ooko this nochy she really was mine.
           Get back in front, put some luscious glory oil on
           Droog Holly was warbling his very last warble.
           With like your arms around your devotchka you'd try to sing along.
           It felt pretty horrorshow. Woo! You really had a horrorshow raz.

           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.
           etc.

Frank:     Odin from the vaults.  Oh baby!.. Don't be razdraz...  It was a mercy oobivatting... he had a
           certain naive charm, but no muscle...  Oh!
                      I Can Make You A Moodge (part Ii)

Frank:     But a deltoid and a bicep.
           A hot groin and a tricep.
           Makes me, oooh, shake,
           Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the...ha-ha-rook.

Frank & Transylvanians: In just seven days I can make you a moodge.

Frank:     I don't want no dissention, just dynamic tension.

Janet:     I'm a muscle fan.

Frank:     In just seven days, I can make you a moodge
           Kopat it if you can
           In just seven days, I can make you a moodge.

Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!  Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!  Frank and Rocky,
           rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!

Narrator:  There are those who skazat that jeezny is an illusion, and that reality is but a figment of
           the imagination.  If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe, ... however, the
           sudden departure of their host...and his creation...into the seclusion of his sombre
           bridal suite had ookadetted them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which
           grew as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms.

Janet:     Who is it? Who's there?

Frank (Brad): It's only me, Janet.

Janet:     Oh, Brad darling, come in.  Oh! Brad Oh... Yes, my darling...but what if...

Frank (Brad): It's all right, Janet, everything's ittying to be alright.

Janet:     Oh, I hope so, my darling.  Oh...Ah...ahh Ohhh! Oh it's you!

Frank:     I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice...

Janet:     Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with like Brad?

Frank:     Oh, well, nothing.  Why, do you think I should?

Janet:     You tricked me...I wouldn't have...I've never..never...

Frank:     Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all baddiwad, is it?  I think you really found it quite
           pleasurable.

Janet:     Oh, stop...I mean help...Brad Brad!..Oh Brad!!

Frank:     Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you like...This!

Janet:     Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame... I was saving myself...

Frank:     Well, I'm sure you're not Spent yet...

Janet:     Promise you won't tell Brad?

Frank:     Cross my heart and hope to snuff it...

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad darling, it's no horrorshow here.  It'll destroy us.

Brad:      Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning.

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective.

Brad:      You!

Frank:     I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice...

Brad:      Why You!  What have you done with like Janet?

Frank:     Nothing.  Why?  Do you think I should?
Brad:      You tricked me, I wouldn't have...I've never never...never...

Frank:     Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all baddiwad, is it?  Not even half baddiwad, I think you really
           quite enjoyed it.

Frank:     Oh... so soft...

Brad:      Stop it...stop it...oh Janet...Janet!

Frank:     Shhh! Janet's probably asleep by now, do you want her to see you... like this!

Brad:      Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, I thought it was the real veshch!

Frank:     Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you?  There's no crime in giving yourself
           over to pleasure, Brad.  Oh Brad, you've wasted so much raz already...Janet needn't
           know, I won't tell.

Brad:      Well, promise you won't tell...

Frank:     On my mother's graoouuuuuu....

Riff Raff: Master, Rocky has broken his oozies and vanished. The new playmate is loose and somewhere
           on the grounds.  Magenta has just released.. the dogs.

Frank:     Mmmmm?  Coming!

Janet:     What's sloochavvy here?  Where's Brad?  Where's anybody?  Oh, Brad. Brad, my darling, how
           could I have done this to you?  Oh, if only we hadn't made this journey... if only the
           car hadn't broken down... oh, if only we were amongst droogs...  Or sane persons, Oh
           Brad, what have they done with like him...  Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How could you?

Janet:     Oh, but you're vredded...Did they do this to you?  Here, I'll dress your wounds... baby
           there...

Narrator:  Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the rassoodock...Vehement or excited mental state.  It is
           also a powerful and irrational master...and from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed
           on their television monitor there seemed malenky doubt that Janet was, indeed, ... its
           slave.

Magenta and Columbia: Tell us about it, Janet.


                      Touch-A Touch-A Touch-A Touch Me

Janet:     I was feeling done in, couldn't win
           I'd only ever kissed before.

Columbia:  You mean she's...

Magenta:   Uh huh.

Janet:     I thought there's no use getting
           Into heavy petting
           It only leads to trouble
           And seat wetting.

           Now all I want to know is how to itty.
           I've tasted krovvy and I want more.

Magenta and Columbia: More, more, more

Janet:     I'll put up no resistance
           I want to stay the distance
           I've got an itch to skirk
           I need assistance.

           Toucha toucha toucha touch me
           I want to be grahzny
           Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
           Creature of the nochy.

           Then if anything grows, while you pose,
           I'll oil you up and rub you down.

Magenta and Columbia: Down, down, down.

Janet:     And that's just odin malenky fraction of the main attraction
           You need a droogy rook and I need action.

           Toucha toucha toucha touch me
           I want to be grahzny
           Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
           Creature of the nochy.

Columbia:  Toucha toucha toucha touch me

Magenta:   I want to be grahzny.

Columbia:  Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Magenta:   Creature of the nochy.

Janet:     Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me I want to be grahzny
           Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the nochy.

Rocky:     Creature of the nochy
Brad:      Creature of the nochy?
Frank:     Creature of the nochy.
Magenta:   Creature of the nochy.
Riff Raff: Creature of the nochy.
Columbia:  Creature of the nochy.
Rocky:     Creature of the nochy!
Janet:     Creature of the nochy.

Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!  Merrrrrcy!

Frank:     How did it sloochat?  I ponied you were to be watching!

Riff Raff: I was only away for a minoota...master

Frank:     Well, see if you can find him on the monitor.

Riff Raff: Master, master...we have a visitor.

Brad:      Hey, Scotty!  ...Dr. Everett Scott.

Riff Raff: You know this earthling ...chelloveck?

Brad:      I most certainly do!  He happens to be an old droog of mine.

Frank:     I see.  So this wasn't simply a chance meeting.  You came here with like a purpose.

Brad:      I told you, my car cracked down.  I was telling the truth.

Frank:     I know what you told me...but this Dr. Everett Scott, his eemya is not unknown to me.

Brad:      He was a science teacher at Denton High Skolliwoll.

Frank:     And now he rabbits for your government, doesn't he, Brad?  He's attached to the bureau of
           investigation of that which you call Ufo's!  Isn't that right, Brad?

Brad:      He might be...I don't know.

Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, master.

Frank:     He'll probably be... in the Zen room. Shall we inquire of him in chelloveck?

Brad:      Bolshy Scott!

Dr. Scott: Frank N Furter, we meet at last.

Brad:      Dr. Scott!

Dr. Scott: Brad! What are you doing here?
Frank:     Don't filly games, Dr. Scott.  You know perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing here.
           It was part of your plan, was it not?  That he and his female should check the layout for
           you.  Well, unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed.  I am adaptable, Dr.
           Scott; I know Brad is.

Dr. Scott: I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me.  I came
           here to find Eddie.

Brad:      Eddie!  I've seen him!

Frank:     Eddie!  What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?

Dr. Scott: I sloochat to know a bolshy deal about a lot of veshches.  You see Eddie happens to be my
           nephew.

Brad:      Dr. Scott.

Janet:     Ah!

Dr. Scott: Janet!

Janet:     Dr. Scott!

Brad:      Janet!

Janet:     Brad!

Frank:     Rocky!

Dr. Scott: Janet!

Janet:     Dr. Scott!

Brad:      Janet!

Janet:     Brad!

Frank:     Rocky!

Dr. Scott: Janet!

Janet:     Dr. Scott!

Brad:      Janet!

Janet:     Brad!

Frank:     Rocky!

Frank:     Sloosh...I made you...and I can cluve you just as easily.

Magenta:   Master, dinner is prepared!

Frank:     Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.

Narrator:  Pishcha has always fillied a vital role in Jeezny's rituals. The breaking of the kleb, the last
           meal of the condemned moodge, and now, this meal.  However informal it might appear, you can
           be sure that there was to be very malenky.. bon ami.

Frank:     A toast... to absent droogs...

All:       To absent droogs.

Frank:     And Rocky.  Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Rocky...
           Shall we?

Dr. Scott: We came here to discuss Eddie.

Columbia:  Eddie?!

Frank:     That's a rather tender subject.  Another shive anyone?

Columbia:  Excuse me...

Dr. Scott: I knew he was in with like a baddiwad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined...Aliens!

Rocky:     Ugh?!

Brad & Janet: Doctor Scott!

Frank:     Itty on, Dr. Scott.  Or should I skazat Dr. Von Scott?

Brad:      Just what exactly are you implying?

Dr. Scott: It's all right!

Brad:      But Dr. Scott!

Scott:     That's all right, Brad!!


                                   Eddie

           From the day he was born
           He was trouble.
           He was the thorn
           In his mother's side.
           She tried in vain...

Narrator:  ...but he never caused her nothing but shame.

Scott:     He ookadetted home the day she snuffed it.
           From the day she was gone
           All he wanted
           Was Rock 'n' Roll porn
           And a motorbike.
           Shooting up junk...

Narrator:  He was a low down cheap malenky punk!

Scott:     Taking everyone for a ride.

All:       When Eddie skazzed he didn't like his Teddy
           You knew he was a no-horrorshow kid.
           But when he threatened your jeezny with like a switch-nozh nozh

Frank:     What a veck!

Janet:     Makes you horn.

Scott:     Und I did.

Columbia:  Everybody shoved him.
           I very nearly loved him.
           I skazzed, hey, sloosh to me;
           Stay sane inside insanity!
           But he locked the door and brosayed away the klootch.

Scott:     But he must have been drawn
           Into something,
           Making him warn
           Me in a note that reads...

All:       What's it skazat?  What's it skazat?

Eddie's goloss: I'm out of my hed.
           Oh, hurry, or I may be dead.
           They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.

All:       When Eddie skazzed he didn't like his Teddy
           You knew he was a no-horrorshow kid.
           But when he threatened your jeezny with like a switch-nozh nozh

Frank:     What a veck!
Janet:     Makes you horn.

Scott:     Und I did.

All:       When Eddie skazzed he didn't like his Taut
           You knew he was a no-horrorshow kid.
           But when he threatened your jeezny with like a switch-nozh nozh

Frank:     What a veck!

Janet:     Makes you horn.

Scott:     Und I did.

Frank:     Rocky!  How could you?

                          Wise Up

           I'll tell you once;  I won't tell you twice.
           You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
           Your apple pie don't taste too nice.
           You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

           I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.
           You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.
           When we made it, didja slooshy a collocoll ring?

           Ya gotta block?  Well, take my soviet.
           You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
           The transducer will seduce ya.

Janet:     My nogas!  I can't move my nogas!

Scott:     My wheels!  My Bog, I can't move my wheels!

Brad:      It's as if we're glued to the spot!

Frank:     You are!  So quake with like fear, you tiny nazzes!

Janet:     We're trapped!

Frank:     It's something you'll get used to.
           A mental rassoodock in-out in-out can be nice.

Scott:     You won't find Earth lewdies quite the easy mark you imagine.  This sonic transducer...it
           is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-physio-molecular transport device?

Brad:      You mean...

Scott:     Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been rabbiting on for quite some raz.  But it
           seems our droog here has found a means of perfecting it. A device which is capable of
           breaking down solid matter and then projecting it through space and, who knows, perhaps
           even raz.. itself!

Janet:     You mean he's ittying to send us to another planet?

Frank:     Planet, shmanet, Janet!
           You better wise up, Janet Weiss.
           You better wise up, build your thighs up,
           You better wise up

Narrator:  And then she horned out...

Janet:     Stop!

Frank:     Don't get hot and flustered!
           Use a bit of mustard.

Brad:      You're a hot dog, but you better not try to vredded her, Frank Furter.

Scott:     You're a hot dog, but you'd better not try to vredded her, Frank Furter.

Janet:     You're a hot dog --

Columbia:  My Bog!  I can't stand any more of this!  First you spurn me for Eddie, and then you brosay
           him off like an old overcoat for Rocky!  You chew lewdies up and then you spit them out
           again...I loved you..do you slooshy me?  I loved you!  And what did it get me?  Yeah, I'll
           tell you: a bolshy nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of
           their love and emotion.  Yeah, well, I've  had enough You're gonna choose between me and
           Rocky, so eemyaed because of the rocks in his gulliver.

Frank:     It's not easy having a horrorshow raz... even smiling makes my litso ache... and my children
           turn on me...Rocky's behaving just the way that Eddie did.  Do you think I made a
           mistake, splitting his mozg between the dva of them?

Magenta:   Ahhhh!  I grow veary of this world!  When shall we return to Transylvania, huh?

Frank:     Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your bratty Riff Raff.  You have both
           served me well.  Loyalty such as yours shall not itty unrewarded.  You will discover that
           when the mood takes me, I can be quite sammy.

Magenta:   I ask for nothing...nothing.

Frank:     And you shall receive it...in abundance!  Come, we are ready for the floor show!

Narrator:  And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Brad and
           Janet should keep that appointment with like their droog, Dr. Everett Scott.  But it was to
           be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen.  And, just a few hours
           after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit.  This
           in itself was proof that their host was a moodge of malenky morals...and some persuasion.
           What further indignities were they to be subjected to?  And what of the floor show that
           is spoken of?  In an empty domy?  In the middle of the nochy?  What diabolical plan had
           been shaped by Frank's crazed imagination?  What indeed?  From what had gone before, it
           was clear that this was to be no picnic.


                            Rose Tint My World


           A. Floor Show


Columbia:  It was bolshy when it all began.
           I was a regular Frankie fan.
           But it was over when he had the plan
           To start a-rabbiting on a muscle moodge.
           Now the only veshch that gives me hope
           Is my love of a certain dope.
           Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

Rocky:     I'm just seven hours old,
           And truly beautiful to behold.
           And somebody should be told
           My libido hasn't been controlled.
           Now the only veshch I've come to trust
           Is an orgasmic rush of lust.
           Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

Brad:      It's beyond me; help me Mommy!
           I'll be horrorshow; you'll see.
           Take this sneety away.
           What's this?  Let's see,
           I feel sexy!
           What's come over me?
           Wo!  Here it comes again.

Janet:     I feel released; baddiwad times decease.
           My confidence has increased; reality is here.
           The eegra has been disbanded; my rassoodock has been expanded.
           It's a gas that Frankie's landed!
           His lust is so sincere.


           B. Fanfare/Don'T Sneety It

Frank:     Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
           That delicate, satin-draped frame?
           As it clung to her thigh
           How I started to horn
           'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.

           Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.
           Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.
           Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure
           And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
           Can't you just see it?  Oh, oh, oh... oh!

           Don't sneety it, be it.

All:       Don't sneety it, be it.

Scott:     Ach!  We've got to get out of this trap before this decadence saps our wills. I've got
           to be strong, and try to hang on, or else my rassoodock may well snap, and my jeezny will be
           lived... for the thrills!

Brad:      It's beyond me;  help me Mommy!

Janet:     Bog bless Lilly St. Cyr.



           C. Flip And Untamed Veshch

Frank:     My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!
           I'm a flip and an untamed veshch.
           I'm a bee with like a deadly sting.
           You get a tolchock and your rassoodock itties ping.
           Your heart'll thump and your krovvy will sing.
           So let the party and the zvooks rock on.
           We're gonna shake it 'till the jeezny has gone.
           Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

All:       We're a flip and an untamed veshch.
           We're bees with like a deadly sting.
           You get a tolchock and your rassoodock itties ping.
           Your heart'll thump and your krovvy will sing.
           So let the party and the zvooks rock on.
           We're gonna shake it 'till the jeezny has gone.
           Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

           We're a flip and an untamed veshch.
           We're bees with like a deadly sting.
           You get a tolchock and your rassoodock itties ping.
           Your heart'll thump and your krovvy will sing.
           So let the party and the zvooks rock on.
           We're gonna shake it 'till the jeezny has gone, gone, gone.
           Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, it's all over.
           Your mission is a failure;
           Your lifestyle's too extreme.
           I'm your new commander;
           You now are my plenny.
           We return to Transylvania.
           Prepare the transit beam.

Frank:     Wait!  I can explain!


           I'M Ittying Home


Frank:     On the day I went away...

All:       Goodbye...

Frank:     Was all I had to skazat...

All:       Now I...

Frank:     I want to come again, and stay.

All:       Oh, my, my...

Frank:     Smile, and that will mean I may.
           'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
           Through the tears in my glazzies
           And I realize, I'm ittying home.

All:       I'm ittying home.

Frank:     Everywhere it's been the same...

All:       ...feeling...

Frank:     ...like I'm outside in the rain...

All:       ...wheeling...

Frank:     ...free to try and find a eegra...

All:       ...dealing...

Frank:     ...cards for sorrow, cards for pain.
           'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
           Through the tears in my glazzies
           And I realize, I'm ittying home.

Frank & All: I'm ittying home.

Magenta:   How sentimental.

Riff Raff: And also presumptuous of you.  You see, when I skazzed We were to return to Transylvania,
           I referred only to Magenta and myself.  I'm sorry, however, if you found my slovoes
           misleading, but you see, you are to remain here, in spirit, anyway.

Scott:     Bolshy heavens!  That's a laser!


Riff Raff: Yes, Dr. Scott.  A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter.

Brad:      You mean...you're ittying to oobivat him?  What's his crime?

Scott:     You saw what became of Eddie.  Society must be protected.

Riff Raff: Exactly, Dr. Scott.  And now, Frank N Furter, your raz has come.  Skazat goodbye to all of
           this, and hello... to oblivion!

Brad:      Horrorshow Bog!

Janet:     Oh!  You oobivatted them!

Magenta:   But I thought you liked them.  They liked you.

iff Raff: They didn't like me!  He never liked Me!

Scott:     You did right.

Riff Raff: A decision had to be made.

Scott:     You're O.K. by me.

Riff Raff: Dr. Scott, I'm sorry about your nephew.

Scott:     Eddie?  Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh.

Riff:      You should ookadeet now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible.  We are about to beam the
           entire domy to the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania.  Itty...  Now!  Our
           noble mission is completed, my most beautiful sister, and soon we shall return to the
           moon-drenched shores of our beloved planet.

Magenta:   Ah, sladky Transsexual, land of nochy.  To sing and dance once more to your dark refrain...
           To take that - step, to the right...

Both:      Hah!!

Riff Raff: But it's the pelvic Thrust...

Transylvanians:  That yeckates you bezoomny!

Magenta:   And our world...will do the Raz Warp...again!


                               Super Heroes

Brad:      I've done a lot; Bog knows I've tried
           To find the truth.  I've even lied.
           But all I know is down inside I'm

All:       Bleeding...

Janet:     And super heroes come to the feast
           To taste the flesh not yet deceased.
           And all I know is still the beast is

All:       Feeding...
           Ahh, ahh...

Narrator:  And crawling on the planet's litso
           Some insects, called the human race...
           Lost in raz, and lost in space,
           And meaning.

All:       Meaning.


                  Science Fiction/Double Feature - Reprise


Usherette: Science Fiction
           Double Feature.
           Frank has built and
           Lost his creature.
           Darkness has conquered
           Brad and Janet.
           The servants gone to
           A distant planet.
           Wo, oh, oh, oh.
           At the late nochy, double feature,
           Picture show.
           I want to itty, oh, oh, oh.
           To the late nochy, double feature,
           Picture show.